Dryer Balls

It's a sunny day here at the farm and we are getting into the rhythm of doing life together ~ the three of us. (My husband, his Mother and I).  The time has come and gone where it seemed like she was a visitor and now we are settling in as a permanent members of family living in our home.

Guardianship is a complicated thing - especially if you are dealing with two different states, (More details on that later.) but we are in the process of filing all the paperwork.

It's very obvious now that we are living a kind of Ground Hog Day movie life.  

Sameness is important - routine is important - but I'm learning a conversation isn't really a conversation.  Because you don't realize how much you rely on memory.

You see, with dementia, they create stories. Generic grouping of words 'to cover' for their loss of memory and to fit in.  She has about four she repeats depending on the situation.  There isn't really any lasting exchange of information because whatever you share is gone in 15 minutes.  I can't imagine how that must feel for her.

I have to remind myself that it's not her fault, she really can't be held accountable because as she says she will do this or that - at that moment she meant it. Then I wait a few minutes and expect her to do what she said she would do and ...

Wandering has begun. A quiet Sunday nap with my husband ... Not happening.

Areas of your home are no longer private, nor are your possessions.  She may be looking for something and not realize.

So now we enter the locking of doors season.

These are stages of aging we all may deal with. 

A few tips ~ Maintaining her integrity and communicating our love and acceptance is so important, along with reassuring her often to help with the unrealistic fear of being in the way.

Habit is huge ... Seems to be the go-to ... She obviously has an expertise in washing dishes, and folding clothes.  So every time she gets clothes from the dryer to fold, she is puzzled by my dryer balls (I do not use dryer sheets).  Every time we finish dinner she takes the dishes to the sink and scrapes the remains from them, then rinses, then sits them on the counter by the dishwasher.

These kinds of small daily chores will help as they contribute to the household.

One last observation, act like it's the first time - when she asks you the same thing she has asked you many times before.  If it's upsetting to you, turn away or change the subject.  Don't get angry with her and say 'I've told you that a thousand times!' All she can process is how that makes her feel and your disappointment or frustration with her. 

We are so blessed to be going on this journey.  I pray this blog will encourage and help others.

Broken Teacup ~ Expanded Heart

I was serving tea and cake to house guests and as I chose my special tea cup  I knew (choose a different tea cup!).

On one of my trips to visit my daughter in California we shopped a high-end teacup store.  I love the beauty and delicate nature of teacups, along with how the tea tastes when you drink from the thin china rim.  These cups were priced in the hundreds ~ but we looked and I found one I really liked.

For my birthday, I was surprised with a teacup just like the one we saw in that shop and a delightful card from my daughter.  These sit in the window sill of my kitchen as a reminder of that day and how she took the time to find that cup.  

Now that you know the behind the scenes story you will understand my most pressing event ~ that teacup was dropped and shattered on our kitchen floor.  I had that feeling when I reached to use it, but ignored the passing thought.  After all, what's a tea cup for if you don't use it?

I have read many articles and blogs, studied side effects of drugs for the aging and exercises for balance in preparation for our family member moving in.  There are some areas of change I am finding myself unprepared and somewhat unwilling.  My space and where 'things' are and how I 'do' cooking, cleaning, laundry ... All have been challenged in this new life adventure.  What was 'mine' is no more.

When you have someone in your home to visit it's very different than having someone live with you.  As I've shared, we have a family member living with us now and my husband was just granted guardianship for her.

I will take you with me on this new journey. It is my prayer you will find inspiration, information and honest facts about this process.