Urgency

(Can you see the squirrel ... now this is an urgent situation ... our dogs Eli and Buck)

Phases of life bring different levels of urgency.

Think about when you rode your first bicycle ... 

[getting your balance -- wobbly front tire at first -- urgency]

Your drivers license ... 

[parallel parking -- urgency]

Your first date .... 

[preparing and waiting for your first impression -- urgency]

Marriage and Wedding .... 

[placing your commitment, trust and faith for all see -- urgency]

Childbirth .... 

[not understanding, but doing it anyway -- urgency]

Your first 'career' job and 'true' paycheck ... 

[it's that 'pinch-yourself-moment'; did I really earn this; am I really doing this -- urgency]

Your aging parents and their care...

All phases of life.

All of these events follow with a particular sequence of thinking and action.  First you have some sort of perception about what that event is; either you watched someone ride a bike or you attend a wedding--your brain created a picture.  

Next you prepare for the actual experience yourself.  You might study to pass your driver's test, read a book on childbirth or take a class.  

Finally, the actual 'doing' part of this event includes matching up your perception or picture with your preparedness and moving into actually doing it.

My most recent discoveries include those events with which you cannot prepare.  My perception (or picture) and preparedness really don't align.  I remember leaving my first childbirth class when we watched 'the birthing video' and getting in the car with my husband saying (tears running down my cheeks) "I can't do that!" ... I was eight months pregnant at the time -- urgency.

Recently, there have been life events that required of me things I would have thought I could never do .... but I have.  Remembering 1 Peter 4:19 "So then, those who suffer according to God's will should commit themselves to their faithful Creator and continue to do good." The footnote in my bible reads; God created the world, and he has faithfully ordered it and kept it since the creation.  Because we know that God is faithful we can count on him to fulfill his promises to us.  If God can oversee the forces of nature, surely he can see us through the trials we face.

This is one of those life events that brings with it a sense of urgency.  Roles are reversed, and exhaustion is not allowed.  Standing in the gap where I'm not sure I can, but I know God can.  A close friend of mine said to me "You're being Jesus to them."

Today I went jogging, after a much-needed nap while in the mist of this life event and listened to Don Moen as I ran, praising The Lord.  I want to share my thoughts and feelings with the lyrics of his song "Here we are" 

Here we are lifting our hands to You

Here we are giving You thanks for all You do

As we praise and worship Your holy name

You are here, dwelling within our praise

[Notice ... giving You thanks for ALL You do]

For every answer prayer

For always being there

For love that hears us when we call

For arms that lift us when we fall

[Especially needed these words this day--always being there]

Oh, You have always been right beside us

Leading us all along the way

And we made it through

Because of You

[Because of You ~ Lord]

For days we cannot see

For all that yet to be

[Preparing us for the future]

The trials we may have to face

When we'll be leaning on Your grace

It will be Your strength that saves us

Your love that makes us strong

[Notice ... Leaning on Your grace ... nothing about me or my abilities/effort]

So my journey in this life event begins ... may the perceived need for urgency be replaced with the peace and grace beyond my understanding ... to strengthen and share You Lord.  Amen.

Beauty

Are you beautiful?

What does it take to be a beautiful woman?

Beauty is our opportunity to allow God to come in and it's how we experience God.

From the book Captivating, by Staci Eldredge, women have that innate element of beauty from God.  The book describes a young lady who is 'put together', jogs 6-8 miles a day, and wears really cute clothes.  There's something wrong though ... the beauty is not inviting.  

You are not invited in because she is striving.

Another woman was absolutely stunning and beautiful.  
Her soul was at rest. 
She made you feel at rest when you were in her presence.  She invited you in.  

Totally different than a woman who is striving to maintain her beauty which is a slippery slope because it's totally fleeting and put on by effort.

A truly beautiful woman is comfortable with herself ... at rest ... The second woman described here was 72 years old.

With all of the marketing of beauty products I've noticed lately, I can see this is an issue for women, it is for me...
I have been considering this lately and have been consciously observing women.  Asking, "Is she beautiful?  What makes her inviting?"

As I watch and listen I reflect on my life.

A single mother of two, divorced woman ... striving.  

In order to be invited in, your heart must be 'at rest'.

Well, that explains it ... that rest word--until now, haven't EVER known that.

Staci explains,

"You see, ultimately, a woman invites us to know God. To experience through her that God is merciful.  That he is tender and kind.  That God longs for us--to be known by us and to know us."

Any woman can 'create' that perfect look -- what we 'think' is beauty. Buy some products, have a couple of minor surgeries ...  But that is not the beauty I'm out to discover.

As Staci continues

"The scariest thing for women is to offer our beauty into situations where we don't know if it will make any difference. Or worse, that we will be rejected.  For our Question is, Am I lovely?  And to be rejected is to hear a resounding, NO. A woman doesn't want to offer her beauty unless she is guaranteed that it will be well received."

So there it is ... fear.

"Isn't that why we hide, why we strive why we control, why we do anything but offer beauty?"

I have shared in my previous posts about my childhood (which, by the way, was a very good childhood) but I acquired some wounds and beliefs about myself.  I am the third daughter of four children.  My brother is 18 months younger than me.  I have been striving my whole life ... that's why it's in bold ... I typed it in bold for me.

An amazing thing happened to me when I visited my parents recently.  It will sound a bit silly, but it will demonstrate what I'm talking about.

My Mom asked my Dad to go get her a vanilla milkshake.  My Dad asked me if I wanted anything, I said "oh, maybe something chocolate".  Off he went.  When he returned, he handed Mom her small vanilla milkshake (exactly what she ordered), handed me a huge chocolate milkshake.  He said "that's double chocolate".

And that's not all ...

He reached into his jacket and pulled out a grocery bag with two packages of (six each) Hershey chocolate bars.  He said "I didn't know what kind of chocolate you liked so I bought both."

Now to get this right, in my life previously, I would have thought "why such an over the top chocolate effort Dad, don't you know I eat healthy?".  But I am in as close a relationship to Jesus than ever before in my life and I am very content in knowing who I am in Christ.  So, God revealed my Dad's heart and love for me.  It's chocolate, yea I get it--small thing--but to me HUGE thing.  This man (oh, by the way, he's in his 80's) got out of his vehicle to walk into a store to buy me chocolate!

When it was time for us to leave and find our vehicles in the parking lot, Dad asked me where I parked.  I pointed to the far lot on the right.  He got in his vehicle and I took off to the lot where I 'thought' my car was ... and it was NOT there.  I had to walk back where he was parked ... he was watching ... to get to the other lot.  I pointed at my car as I approached it laughing, but very embarrassed.  As I was getting in my car, Dad pulled up next to me.  He rolled down his window as said "Crank it."  Again, in my life prior to this moment, I would have been so independent-minded this would have irritated me ... but it didn't ...  He was making sure my car started.  Once my car started, Dad said "now you know where you are and where to turn to get to our house, right?"  Again ... irritation or love?  LOVE!!!  Yep!! He's showing me he loves me.

Can you see ... my Question unanswered in my perceptions from my Dad in the past, caused me to strive.  Now -- Question answered; first by God -- because I have been seeking Him -- now Dad.

One more thing.  Do you realize who we are to God? He calls us His Crown of Creation.  Staci says "we are the crescendo, the finale, astonishing work of God ... from 1 Cor. 11:7 Paul writes, man "is the image and glory of God; but the woman is the glory of man".

Lord,
Help me to remember I am loved and I am beautiful just as I am.  Continue to show me how to stop striving and how to become more inviting.  I desire to welcome in, not turn away people; to experience You.
Oh, and God ... thanks for my Dad.
Amen

God and Hospital Life as Caregiver

The life event of providing care, when a loved one is in the hospital, is quite an experience.  Here are some insights from watching as a friend cares for her loved one. (I have learned SO much from her as she is AN EXCELLENT caregiver.)

Essential Care Areas;
Staying in the room with your loved one is essential to 'think and do' for them ~ even through the night.  This is exhausting for the caregiver, but preferred over being away and worrying about their care.

Keep a record of what is said by health care providers in order to remember what was said, and by whom ... this comes in handy to read to family and future doctor visits when questions are asked.

Use your nurse/CNA's name when they are providing care and thank them.  Their names are written on the wipe board in the hospital room.  Inquire how to pronounce their name and engage them in conversation.

Advocate for your loved one in an assertive, but delicate way.  This may be just standing at the door, waiting to speak to the nurse, or asking for specific items needed for care when the nurse is in the room.

Listen to doctors entirely before interupting with questions.

Have any questions ready to ask when doctors do arrive and after they give you their report.

Consider the home environment before returning home.  Think about the bed, bathroom, floor surface for walking, steps entering into home and any other essentials for home health.

Take note of what your loved one is eating while in the hospital and mimick the dietary menu if possible at home.

Issues for Caregiver;
Adequate rest and food intake is sometimes overlooked as care is giving to family in the hospital ... overlooking your physical health is easy to do as your needs seems minimal to that of your family members in the hospital, but for their sake you must take care of yourself.

Confusion, power-plays and family discord;  
It's inevitable that there will be family and close friends available to help with care.  In that process, as the main caregiver, it is difficult to communicate what you have experienced to those who 'enter and re-enter' to help.  Be careful to allow others to help, but do NOT become possessive or difficult.  This will not help the family to come together.  In the area of power plays, there is an odd 'order' to this in families.  Some members are allowed more influence than others in care and figuring out how to manage this while keeping peace and caring for your loved one is a balance.  Much prayer is needed here for The Holy Spirit to guide your tongue and intent yet maintaining care needed for your loved one.

Leaving your loved one and returning home will possibly bring anxiety as you have had a sense of 'control' while by their side.  However, once the emergency part of their stay is over there is a time to leave them in the care of professionals.  Over involvement will curtail the need for learning independence of your recovering family member and accepting this new way of life for them as they recover.

Hebrews 12:12-16 ESV / Therefore lift your drooping hands and strengthen your weak knees, and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be put out of joint but rather be healed. Strive for peace with everyone, and for the holiness without which no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no “root of bitterness” springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled ...

May your caregiving experience(s) bring key character-building opportunities for you as we learn to become more servant-minded and less self-minded.

Jesus, 
What am I to learn from this;  what behaviors am I to display  to all those I meet during this stressful time while offering care and help me represent You not my anxiety and stress.
Amen

Become Awake

In talking to several women who are struggling in their marriage I am finding there is a common theme.  Their husband is harsh, hurtful in his words or he just doesn't care to listen to what his wife wants.  (These words we receive as hurtful, to him are not.) He chooses the areas in the wife's life that are at the very core of her hurt; and when things get really bad this sends a fiery dart deep into her heart.  When the 'fight' begins and ends this way, the wife retreats to that all too familiar place of protectiveness--her hardened heart hardens even more.

You see, this is that familiar place--where her childhood wound is, where the message was attached about how she thinks about herself. (See, I'm not worthy.)  

With my background in marketing, this is key to getting a product or brand to be known and popular.  Attach a feeling with an event/product and BAM it's true to that person.  Have you ever noticed that in the 'better' commercials?  

The childhood wound came with a blow -- an intense feeling -- so it must be true.

Here is an example; I purchased a protective sheeting for the oven (oven safe) that sits on the oven rack to catch drippings from items being baked.  This Easter we prepared Lamb for our guests and when my husband went to place the lamb in the oven to bake, he removed the protective sheeting.  I asked why he did that, his answer was that he just didn't think having that in the oven was a good idea ... plastic and all ... gives off bad fumes (or something like that).  I said it's just to catch the drippings and I left it alone ... out of the oven.  

When we arrived home from church and it was time to check the lamb to see if it was done, my husband took the knife and fork, pulled the pan out on the rack of the oven just a bit, and proceeded to cut--spilling juices and such all over the oven.  I said to one of our dinner guests (a very wise woman) seated next to me 'oh, I've gotta keep him from making a mess' and I jumped up ... she put her hand on my arm and said 'let him shine, Cindy, let him shine'.  

The same thing happened in the arena, one of our guests wanted to ride Nitro.  (He hadn't been ridden all winter.) I went out to 'help', but I was not needed.  I mean, my words were not needed, I was not needed .... you get the picture.  The 'old' Cindy would have had a return-to-childhood hurt moment here.  In the past, I would have been upset with all of these events and burst into the scene 'loud and proud' as they say.  

This is what I'm seeing so many of us do.  We behave based on a feeling and most of the time the feeling is based on a perception and most of the time the perception is tainted by our past experiences.

From the book Captivating by Staci Eldridge "We construct a life of safety (I will not be vulnerable there) and find some place to get a taste of being enjoyed or at least of being needed.  Our journey toward healing begins when we repent of those ways, lay them down, let them go."

I did not respond to the 'oven incident' nor did I the Nitro ride, but the best thing about both was that I was not resentful, angry nor did I keep score or hold a grudge.  I was just fine!

Frederick Buechner says "To do for yourself the best that you have it in you to do--to grit your teeth and clench your fists in order to survive the world at its harshest and worst--is, by that very act, to be unable to let something be done for you and in you that is more wonderful still.  The trouble with steeling yourself against the harshness of reality is that the same steel that secures your life against being destroyed secures your life also against being opened up and transformed."

The Lord is doing something significant in my life and our marriage because we are seeking.  Rev. 3:20 "Behold, I stand at the door and knock.  If anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in."

He will not burst into your life uninvited -- you must ask him in.  You must be tired, exhausted of life as I have described it about myself in the past ... 'Too much Cindy'.  I had shut the door to my heart and threw away the key. So many women have.  We do this because it hurts too much.  It might bring relief for a while, but as Staci explains, not healing. 

"Usually it orphans the little girl in that room, leaves her to fend for herself   The best thing we can do is to let Jesus come in; open the door and invite him in to find us in those hurting places."

Our pastor's Easter sermon ended with the proclamation that we need to awake! Come alive! 

Dear Lord,
Help all those reading this post to invite you in, to heal their childhood wounds and to become AWAKE in You!
Amen