Become Awake

In talking to several women who are struggling in their marriage I am finding there is a common theme.  Their husband is harsh, hurtful in his words or he just doesn't care to listen to what his wife wants.  (These words we receive as hurtful, to him are not.) He chooses the areas in the wife's life that are at the very core of her hurt; and when things get really bad this sends a fiery dart deep into her heart.  When the 'fight' begins and ends this way, the wife retreats to that all too familiar place of protectiveness--her hardened heart hardens even more.

You see, this is that familiar place--where her childhood wound is, where the message was attached about how she thinks about herself. (See, I'm not worthy.)  

With my background in marketing, this is key to getting a product or brand to be known and popular.  Attach a feeling with an event/product and BAM it's true to that person.  Have you ever noticed that in the 'better' commercials?  

The childhood wound came with a blow -- an intense feeling -- so it must be true.

Here is an example; I purchased a protective sheeting for the oven (oven safe) that sits on the oven rack to catch drippings from items being baked.  This Easter we prepared Lamb for our guests and when my husband went to place the lamb in the oven to bake, he removed the protective sheeting.  I asked why he did that, his answer was that he just didn't think having that in the oven was a good idea ... plastic and all ... gives off bad fumes (or something like that).  I said it's just to catch the drippings and I left it alone ... out of the oven.  

When we arrived home from church and it was time to check the lamb to see if it was done, my husband took the knife and fork, pulled the pan out on the rack of the oven just a bit, and proceeded to cut--spilling juices and such all over the oven.  I said to one of our dinner guests (a very wise woman) seated next to me 'oh, I've gotta keep him from making a mess' and I jumped up ... she put her hand on my arm and said 'let him shine, Cindy, let him shine'.  

The same thing happened in the arena, one of our guests wanted to ride Nitro.  (He hadn't been ridden all winter.) I went out to 'help', but I was not needed.  I mean, my words were not needed, I was not needed .... you get the picture.  The 'old' Cindy would have had a return-to-childhood hurt moment here.  In the past, I would have been upset with all of these events and burst into the scene 'loud and proud' as they say.  

This is what I'm seeing so many of us do.  We behave based on a feeling and most of the time the feeling is based on a perception and most of the time the perception is tainted by our past experiences.

From the book Captivating by Staci Eldridge "We construct a life of safety (I will not be vulnerable there) and find some place to get a taste of being enjoyed or at least of being needed.  Our journey toward healing begins when we repent of those ways, lay them down, let them go."

I did not respond to the 'oven incident' nor did I the Nitro ride, but the best thing about both was that I was not resentful, angry nor did I keep score or hold a grudge.  I was just fine!

Frederick Buechner says "To do for yourself the best that you have it in you to do--to grit your teeth and clench your fists in order to survive the world at its harshest and worst--is, by that very act, to be unable to let something be done for you and in you that is more wonderful still.  The trouble with steeling yourself against the harshness of reality is that the same steel that secures your life against being destroyed secures your life also against being opened up and transformed."

The Lord is doing something significant in my life and our marriage because we are seeking.  Rev. 3:20 "Behold, I stand at the door and knock.  If anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in."

He will not burst into your life uninvited -- you must ask him in.  You must be tired, exhausted of life as I have described it about myself in the past ... 'Too much Cindy'.  I had shut the door to my heart and threw away the key. So many women have.  We do this because it hurts too much.  It might bring relief for a while, but as Staci explains, not healing. 

"Usually it orphans the little girl in that room, leaves her to fend for herself   The best thing we can do is to let Jesus come in; open the door and invite him in to find us in those hurting places."

Our pastor's Easter sermon ended with the proclamation that we need to awake! Come alive! 

Dear Lord,
Help all those reading this post to invite you in, to heal their childhood wounds and to become AWAKE in You!
Amen