When you learn how to read the body language of a horse, you learn how to communicate with that horse. LeAnn has it down. She explained all the areas of a horse and how every one is connected to each other. As I've shared before, the rebellious horse keeps his body long, neck long and tugs and fights the bit when you direct him; a cooperative horse is said to have a more 'rounded' body, or a 'soft' bit -- doesn't fight the bit.
I have a long long way to go to get this in horsemanship, there is still hesitation and second guessing of my skill-level which translates to fear for me (which is a HUGE 'no no' in horsemanship). Reading body language and developing confidence while addressing the fear will be my next step in this journey with Nitro.
I am very good at reading body language in relationships with human beings. In fact, I guess having had all these years as a teacher, I would have to say I am most comfortable watching behavior and then listening to conversations between people.
My question today is do I live with a hollow bit? I am living from a perception of 'meeting my expectations' or am I remembering my obligations?
In the book "Devotions for a Sacred Marriage" Gary Thomas describes how 'expectations assault a marriage that doesn't live up to perfection; obligations protect a marriage at its weakest moments. Expectations slowly wear down a marriage, while fulfilling obligations steadily builds up that union. Expectations foster fear and disappointment; meeting our obligations births intimacy and love.'
This is that 'loving them anyway' moment (one of my previous posts). So when I get up in the morning (this is just an example for applications sake) and find dirty socks on the floor and my 'expectation' is that there will not be dirty clothes on the floor, it should be in a hamper or in the laundry room, not in the hallway of the living room I have a choice. I can focus on what I wish would have happened and my husband would have picked up the socks knowing that I do not like dirty clothes randomly scattered on the floor throughout the house (usually where ever it happened to be that they were removed--oh yeah, this is just an example--oops). If I walk through the house picking up after him with that expectation in my heart, its as if he is in my head saying 'I don't care about you, I'm just going to cause you more work, our home doesn't mean anything to me ....' get the picture ladies????
It is unwise to evaluate your marriage based on any given moment. Gary Thomas
I am also learning from the book he wrote "Sacred Influence" ~ What if your husband's faults are God's tools to shape you? What if what most bugs me about my husband constitutes God's plan to teach me something new?
Follow with me ... Here's the trap -- I express to my husband how I don't want dirty clothes on the floor throughout the house. After several such conversations, he still doesn't change -- or he does change for a few days and then goes back to his old habits, at which point I complain again. Still, no long-term change. I am making the error in assuming that I am not getting through to him. Gary Thomas says that I am getting through to him;
"he may fully understand and be completely aware of her pain, but he's not motivated by her pain. If he likes the marriage as it is, he'll put up with an occasional disagreeable conversation now and then."
So, just as Nitro gets the request I make ... my need is not received as his obligation to accommodate me.
It all goes back to who you are ... are you a woman of respect? Just as in 1 Timothy 4:15 Paul wants Timothy to know, "You're not perfect, but people should see progress in your life." This won't happen by accident, I must be (as Paul writes) "diligent in these matters," "persevering in them". 1 Timothy 4:16.
When you "grow in character, when you sink your spiritual roots deep, when you learn to hear God's voice and build your mind with his wisdom, when you allow his Holy Spirit to transform our character and reshape you heart, then you can make your husband fall in love with you over and over again. He will be all the more motivated to maintain your respect and affection. Nothing compared to being married to a godly woman ~ nothing" ...Gary Thomas, Sacred Influence.
In the book he remembers an interview of several widowed ladies from 9-11 and when asked how their life had changed, one woman said how much she hates to hear wives talk badly about their husbands. Another woman jumped into the conversation and said how much she would give to walk into the bathroom and find the lid up on the toilet.
So....I'm picking up those socks and giving thanks for my husband, focusing on the positive qualities he has blessed our marriage with and not the negative ones.....
How about you?
or
You could alway 'fight the bit'..... its definitely your choice.
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