Eternal Value and Retirement

What eternal value does this have?  This is a question I am asking myself frequently these days as I am more able to choose what I am doing with my time each day.  You might think this is an easy question to answer and then plan as best you can to that end, but it has proven to be a difficult challenge for me.

I am a newly retired high school teacher of 31 years and for the first time since I was 5 years old I am not going to be on a 'system schedule'.  I am not going to be in front a group of people who, to some degree, need me and listen to me (or at least they pretended).  I no longer have 'my classroom' and am a visitor now when I go back to my (oops, the) school where I worked.  

Don't misunderstand me, I know it was time for me to retire because I have been praying and seeking God's direction for several years.  My last full year as a teacher He directed me to consider each aspect of my job and ask myself "What eternal value does this have? OR How does this affect the Kingdom?"  I changed my thinking as I 'walked through' the events of the year assessing if "I", "Cindy Shannon" needed to physically be in this place at this time to do what needed to be done for our students.  The answer was shocking and revealing ... 

'No, this event could continue just fine (even better if I'm truthful) without me.'  

From that point forward I started praying that God would bring the right person to this job.  Someone who would bring energy, concern for students, friendship and loyalty for my dear friend who I taught with so many years and a faithful follower of Christ.  Guess what, He did!! (Go figure, huh)

When I finally got up the nerve to return to my school, my classroom, my dear friend this last week, God met me there!! Clearly speaking to my heart as I walked in ... He said, 'look my daughter, your time here is complete, it's going to be okay'.  

Another friend of mine sent me a text this week saying 'Hey, I just drove by your school and the marquee reads "Cindy Come Back!".  When I arrived the sign said "Hiring Bus Drivers".  Tee hee

I guess if I am honest, there is fear in the fact that friendships are formed around situations and 'common time' together.  Without that, will our connection and conversation decrease?  Then I remember what was shared in church this morning, 

Where there is fear, there is NO faith.

So I'm mourning a loss, rejoicing in what God is going to do where I once was ... what He is going to do without me ... *tears* and there's the hurt ...

While I'm being honest, I struggle with where to go with the planning, talking, problem solving, people interaction and lack of control.  

I now realize I had an immense  amount of control in my profession.  

Think about it, a room full of people that I said when they could talk, stand, go to the bathroom .... and believe me, my husband will not allow me to control him AT ALL!!

I find myself with these feelings; frustration, unloved, uninvolved, not asked for my input or opinion, talked over, ignored .... and I'm sure none are correct.  

This is that time in the hallway.  While I'm here I must stay vigilant about my thought life and who I am in Christ.  Satan would have a hay day with any insecurities and what we are doing here on the farm for the Kingdom.  

I know God is smoothing out some rough edges on me and having me work out areas where I need to grow.  You know some people really frown on retiring, I think I know why now; it's this place I'm in right now ... and what to do with it.  

I am accepting it as His calling on my life and I am excited to be His vessel.

So here we are, I'm cleaning, cooking and pretty much the behind-the-sceen person who runs to the store, and makes sure the ship stays afloat.  We are starting a new endeavor with our horses called WHOA (Working Horses Overcoming Adversity) with some young people.  Our horses are all being used now to help youth see how God can work in their life.  I am NOT the instructor, I am kitchen help and farm owner, maybe listener of youth issues if they share over a snack or meal.  I am 'waiting in the wings' you might say.

This time in my life I can ask this question; 'What eternal value?'  And readily answer ~ I can study His word with an alert mind now, attend all the services at church (awake), lead a women's book study on Sacred Influence by Gary Thomas (are you surprises ?) take Pilate classes and share God daily!! Praise God!!

If you are a retiree or soon to be retired, please leave a comment.  I would love to know what you think about this perspective of retirement.

Blessings!