Do I want to be right OR Do I want to have peace in the home?

LESSON 25--Pushing a horse past what they 'know' only causes explosive behavior.  My husband was teaching one of our horse to back a couple of weeks ago.  He has learned to use more of a 'soft touch' with his horses lately and in this case, our horse Jewels just had enough.  She threw her head up and launch over backward on top of my husband.  She was (as my husband tells) 'overloaded' and he takes complete blame.  

Meet Jewels

The idea that a horse can be an extension of your legs and they respond to the most slight pressure is the simple explanation of 'soft touch'.  The 'rough' way of making a horse do only causes chaos and fear in a horse.  The trainer is 'right' but there is no peace.

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Recently, this same concept played itself out in our home.  I felt something was wrong, so I kept asking questions like "is everything okay dear?", "have I done something to upset you?"... and on and on.  Guys don't process like Gals, but I just couldn't leave it alone.

Here is how Gary Thomas explains this in Sacred Influence.  

"The male cardiovascular system remains more reactive than the female and slower to recover from stress...Since marital confrontation that activates vigilance takes a greater physical toll on the male, it's no surprise that men are more likely than women to attempt to avoid it."

This explains many past situations for me.  Women want to talk about it, because we are so verbal it feels good to talk and come to a resolution, it actually has a calming effect on us.  For a man,  (according to Michael Gurian) 'he doesn't immediately like to talk through distressing emotional events because talking about such issues usually brings them great cognitive discomfort.'  In other words, it hurts men!

Gary Thomas continues;

"...such discussions can create anxiety and distress.  Since it's more difficult for males to process the data, they feel distress instead of comfort.  When you understand that a verbal barrage takes more out of your husband than it does out of you, and that it takes him longer to recover from such an episode, you may begin to realize that criticizing, complaining, and displaying contempt will not allow you to effectively communicate with your man."

A verbal barrage ... hmmm.  I'm just trying to get to the bottom of something, or am I just wanting to be right?

This makes the scripture from Proverbs 27:15 (A continual dropping in a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike) real for me.  A dripping ... like a leak in a faucet, drip, drip, drip ...
Wow!!!  That's me!!!

I know my brain works differently than my husbands.  I also know that there are times that being 'right' is really just me being selfish.  

So, ask yourself; Do you want to right OR do you want to have peace in your home?