Cow Paths

Have you ever considered how a cow path is made?  
They are uniform in width and they are not straight, they are curved--for no apparent reason.  Each path is 'the way' for all the cows to travel through a field, one after another ... with just one leading the way ... in front.  The grass gets worn down, dirt exposed, then pressed down to make a more pronounced path by which to follow.  Its very creation is maintained by obedient trail followers, walking that same path over and over, following the cow that is in front.

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While considering my options today I chose a path.

My options were to drive to town alone, attend an exercise class for 45 minutes then go shopping with girlfriends which would be an all-day fun outing.

OR

Drop everything, put on my farm clothes and go with my husband to the other farm where I would gather walnuts and he with Rocky's help (one of our horses) checking fence and cattle.

It's a beautiful October day, the tree leafs are turning and I chose to go with my husband.

You see; I have spent my life driving away to do ... that was the well-worn path I had made (alone, away from ...).  Life is changing with my new retirement 'freedom'.  My mindset is more flexible, and time with my husband can be more than just evenings and weekends.  It can be about just being where he is and seeing what he does in his day, and this has brought me a new perspective ~ a new path.

I packed a lunch and we rested on a log in the shade eating leftover chicken, apple and peanut butter.  

Just the two of us.

There is so much quiet.  

Yet so much beauty.  

There is something about walking along a cow path, in a field, doing something so simple as picking up walnuts.

Just spending time in my husbands world, no other purpose.  

Seeing what he has as obstacles, stresses, joys and struggles in a day made me appreciate him (and farmers) all the more.

I learned today in our Beth Moore Children of the Day Bible study that the antonym for the word 'marvel' is 'despise'.  I wonder how many women marvel at their husbands.  I know I do.  I also know how easy it is to despise your husband. 

As Gary Thomas writes in Sacred Marriage; 

"Love must be learned, and learned again and again, there is no end to it." 

"Hate needs no instruction, but waits only to be provoked."  

"Christian love must be chased after, aspired to, and practiced."

In the Beth Moore study there is a section where we examine the concept of our destiny and our God-ordained ministry.  She had us look at 

Acts 26:14 'It is hard for you to kick against the goads.' 

Because I won't be satisfied until I am living out my God-ordained ministry because God wired me with "a compulsion to do it."

'In the many instances where the proverb occurs in Greek literature it always has the meaning of resisting one's destiny or fighting the will of the gods.  We kick against the goads too when we resist our God-ordained destinies.  The more we ignore His will for our works, the more discontented and out of sorts we will be.  Sometimes we can misread our squirming as discontent with our human relationships.

'If you are married and dissatisfied, don't leave your husband.  Embrace your calling.'

Cow paths ... who would have guessed .... 
One following another ... 
The clarity that comes over time and use ... 
All going in one direction ... 

Too Much Energy

LESSON 26--Waiting

Can you see Jewels standing tied ... Oh, and that's Buck

Have you ever watched a horse stand tied for a long period of time?  With a young horse, they try all sorts of maneuvers to get away; they pull on the rope, they paw the grown, they snort, they shake their body all over like they have a huge horse fly on them, anything to get away from standing still.  Spending energy.

An older horse just stands; patiently awaiting their next command.  They have learned that in this environment, it's best to conserve energy.

I have a dear older friend who has taught me so much.  I have learned mostly from just being around her and taking in every moment as if I were her intern.  An intern with a hunger to be a Godly wife and Sister in Christ.

She has had so much loss and hardship in her life but maintains a positive disposition ... in everything.  Her love for her husband of over 60 years is obvious as he requires her assistance in many things since he is not as mobile.

I have watched her tirelessly continue to 'do life' despite ...

Proverbs 14:1 'A wise woman builds her home, but a foolish woman tears it down with her own hands.'

On one occasion, while we were together with a group of ladies having a bite to eat, we were discussing issues with our husbands that brought us stress.  Things like; why do they ask us when they can't find something that's right in front of their faces.  One younger lady went into great detail how she has moved things to accommodate her husband, talked to him, reminded him over and over and she was at the end of her rope!

My friend sat quietly giggling to herself and said in a soft voice, "too much energy".  

We all stopped talking and asked her what she meant.

She explained, "you are going to need that energy later, why are you spending it on something so small?".

'TOO MUCH ENERGY'

We all went on in our conversation, and again fell on a topic with our husbands and how they weren't doing this or that and I looked over at my friend giggling again, she said "too much energy".

When I reflect on my life and how I am day to day I have to say I spend alot of energy where my friend would not.  I schedule things, get anxious when they don't follow my schedule.  I make lists, plan the week, and ask my husband what his plans are; only to find nothing follows the plans. This leaves me with a sense of not accomplishing or completing what I set out to complete .... energy wasted as I rehash where I went wrong.

So for now, my journey is to find a healthy balance in doing daily life, being present without setting up schedules and lists to feed my need for accomplishments or having a 'good' performance.  

Amateur

The lesson of my week;

Saying 'NO' to what is offered/provided in this life is what we do when we do not give thanks in all things.

Genesis 3:1-7 (NIV) Now the serpent was more crafty than any of the wild animals the Lord God had made.  He said to the woman, "Did God really say, 'You must not eat from any tree in the garden'?"  The woman said to the serpent, "We may eat fruit from the trees in the garden, but God did say, 'You must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it, or you will die.'""You will not certainly die," the serpent said to the woman.  "For God knows that when you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil."When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it.  She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it.  Then the eyes of both of them were opened ...

So, Satan's marketing slogan is all about selling us that God withholds good from us.  If we follow this line of thinking (and sometimes I do this without knowing it) we are actually saying that we are discontent with what God has given us and we distrust him and you need what He has not given you.  

We basically are saying we want MORE; a fuller life.  We may take it even further (especially when you lose someone dear to you) from Ann Voskamp's 100 Gifts, she says 

"God basically stole what was rightfully mine or due me, when her baby sister died."  So she lived a 'NO' life, which is described above.

As I go through life I see how similar I am to Adam and Eve; 

ungrateful for what I am given.  

This is the source of my sin, 

not being satisfied in God and what he has provided.  

Ann continues describing how once we take that bite from the apple, we DO SEE, just as the serpent says.  We could already see as the garden was designed for a purpose.  The minute we sin (eat the apple) we do see, we see all of the bad, none of the good ... we judge and see what is lacking in that moment.  

Eating from that tree causes a chain reaction.  

1. Trying to be filled by eating 'the apple' actually empties us.  
2. It makes us desire more.  
3. It represents the materialistic world, to always have more to 'be full'.  

Whereas the world was not meant for that, it was meant for us as a way to commune with God.

'Gods purpose is to return us to our full glory. We have a choice to live in His fullness or we can stay in living in the loss since the fall or in God's grace.'  Ann Voskamp

Ann talks about discussing with her brother-in-law, who has lost 2 children, how to live in God's grace and to accept what God has given.  Ann just doesn't get it.  As they talk in the hospital room where his second child is dyeing ( he's 4 months old) he continues by referencing scripture in The Bible (2 Kings 20:1-4) where Hezekiah prayed to live 15 more years and God granted him this blessing.  Hezekiah then had a son Manasseh who was one of the most evil rulers in the bible.  Ann's brother-in-law says, he has often wondered why God granted Hezekiah's wish to live longer, because, if he had not; Manasseh would not have been born.  He then whispers to Ann 

"maybe, just maybe, we don't want to rewrite the story because you don't know how the story is going to end; only God does."

Look what I woke up to Sunday morning, roses from my husband placed on my bathtub.

~~~~

THE LESSON

My week following a car repair, included getting a rental for the duration of the repair.  I was driving into my bible study Thursday morning along 65 highway, headed south from Fair Grove, MO in heavy rain.  The gauges on the car all looked fine ... 31 miles left on this tank of gas ... so I only had 12 miles to get to the church and I drove on.  The car stopped running.  I pulled over along the highway (it's about 8:00 am) and fear set in.  

Have I shared that there are a couple of major fears I have; sharks, and being stranded along a highway when a stranger pulls over (a man) gets out of his vehicle and approaches my car (which is dead in the water).  This all happened ... I had NO control at this point ... 

This event was followed by a 'darkness' in the days following, I can't describe the feeling, but I was NOT accepting this with thanks that's for sure.  I wallowed in my lack of control, got a ride to my bible study and then to a friends house.  (Believe it or not, I was a living example of what we were learning in our lesson that morning--which only added fuel to the fire).
From here, I begged a ride to get my car which was repaired and then home.

It is four days since this event and my retirement has magnified my vulnerability as I grow in my faith.  With my teaching, I could rush past, fix and basically not think or feel for very long because I was "on" at school.  Now, without a schedule or distraction, I can marinate in being such an amateur at this 'giving thanks in all things' stuff.

I must say though, that the very minute I started giving thanks (just as Ann says in her book) the miracle did follow.  All heaviness was lifted ... Praise God.  I challenge you to 'name what you are thankful for, say it aloud or write it down'  Ann talks about how naming it is accepting God's blessing for it.  God is in that moment, time stands still when you stop and give thanks.

Thank you for the lesson Lord, I fire myself from the job of not trusting you and trying to control that which I cannot.