Marriage; Good Morning Dear
Marriage....Are we reacting to symptoms....or working toward what Peter tells us to do, 'to perfect holiness out of reverence for God'.This entry includes my insights from our devotion this morning in Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas. We read how different it is to be in holy matrimony vs. marriage. The behavior toward your spouse is focused on what is said in 2 Corinthians 7:1 Let us purify ourselves from everything that contaminates body and spirit, perfecting holiness out of reverence for God.
So, how in the world do we do this? I am speaking from a life of marriage failures...I am not that perfect, christian woman writing from so glorious pure white married life...I am writing from a place where I am being transformed in my mind, body and spirit...where what I have done in the past has not worked, so here I am Lord, I am yours... place...
In marriages past, and from my family of origin, the structure of husband and wife...marriage...has been mostly adversarial, "I am woman, hear me roar", get the picture? So when I say transformational, I mean God is doing a work in my life. In conflict, I would puff up and drive in the middle of it to 'fix' it...be it we need to improve our communication, we need to show more appreciation for each other, we need to have a more unified plan with the children, we need to work harder at keeping the romance alive in our relationship (all examples from the devotion this morning). I wouldn't let it rest until 'We Got It'...can you hear that conversation? YUK!! Years and years of that....
Remember how I introduced Dr. Glasser in my first entry....the filter....here is where it really comes alive for me (visual learner that I am). My filter is being replaced .... it is going from symptom-fixer to God-centered...the book asks "Are you a God-centered spouse or a spouse-centered spouse?" Do I act nicely toward my husband only when he acts nice toward me? Hmmm
We had a guest here last week who was struggling in her marriage. I remember saying to her "you know what God has revealed to me about marriage? --- gesturing toward my husband sitting beside me -- it really doesn't matter who this is (but I am grateful it is my husband, thank you Lord for him) -- what He is pressing on me is ... this is about you Cindy" ... all these years of seeking in marriage ... every decision, every word, every thought, every behavior is to flow out of one holy motivation (new filter) REVERENCE FOR GOD. My 'seeking to be filled' by a man...to BE HAPPY...can't be done, did you get it??? Can't be done!!! I'm married to a sinner--OUCH-- 'Someone Else's sin --even the sin of my husband against me--never gives me the license to respond with sin. I am called to just one motivation, and one only: reverence for God.' All these failed marriages, all these tearful nights, Ladies...the guy just doesn't have it....it's not there...it's with your true Father. Stop looking to him and look to Him...consider your marriage a ministry, a mission-field...
So, WOW...husband blasts into bedroom while I'm sleeping (snow day, no work)...plugs in his Ipad on my night stand, knocks my glasses to the floor. Hmmm, how do you think that played out? I was not a happy camper. My thoughts went like this; Really? You think so little of me that you would do all those things? Wow, he doesn't love me at all, Wow, he doesn't want me to sleep any more, He wants me to get up...He's trying to control me....
See where our thinking goes....If I had perfected what I just shared my thinking would NOT follow in this manner. It would have been VERY different....
Please add any comments. I would love to know if you are reading this, liking this, have and suggestions....
God bless
Such a counter-cultural perspective .... and spot-on!!! Keep writing - you're on a roll!
ReplyDeleteAlso thought about how many women get caught up 'raising their children' and park their husband in that category. When they 'do bad' we 'fix' ... Such a need for control. Remembering...our husbands are not our children...
DeleteGod wants to lead us, not the opposite way. It's easy to get self-focused and feel that we are the ones who are always wronged, especially in marriage. The ones closest to us are the ones who can hurt us the most. Prov. 17:14 says, "..so abandon a quarrel before it breaks out." Tells me that I need to get out of the way, and not cause it to escalate. How about being second? Jesus himself humbled himself and served all of mankind..and finally laid down his life for me. Shouldn't my life reflect His, and how much more should I be willing to serve? James 3:17 says, "The wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, willing to yield." I think that we should make it a priority to treat our spouse as my closest, most honored friend, rather than an enemy or someone who is out to get us. God's love, agape love, doesn't love us because we are lovable, but instead because He is loving. What if we tried to build our marriages on this type of love..choosing to love? Period.
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