So You've Met 'The One'!

 

 

The One?

This blog is for those ladies out there that are either in a relationship, wanting a relationship or have just left a relationship with 'The One' man of their dreams.  As I have said before, marriage failures I have a few...and there are a few things I have figured out through my failures...want to know?

 

Characteristics of a christian husband can primarily be found in Ephesians, Chapter 5 "Husbands love your wives even as Christ also loved the church".  But a husband can only cherish his spouse when his priority is to first love and obey God. So here they are;the ability to love, the strength to abstain from carnality, the power to act as the spiritual head of household, and the willingness to allow the Holy Spirit to lead in every area of life. (from www.christianet.com)  So has he developed an intimate relationship with God with a foundation in The Word? Because as he spends time in The Word, he becomes equipped by God to be a godly mate.  From Galatians 5, The Fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, long suffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, and meekness...ladies, look for these.

 

Well, some of the books I will reference (other then the Holy Bible of course) and recommend include Captivating, Sacred Marriage and The Five Love Languages.  To my surprise and horror...that fluttery feeling you get when you meet a guy...you know, that way you feel when you are about to see him, or sit next to him (chemistry); well that is God designed for ... how do I say it .... to have babies.  It IS NOT, I repeat NOT something that lasts ... it is called the honeymoon period.  This is when absolutely nothing irritates you about him.  You are designed this way!!  So hold onto your hat; that is not how you KNOW he is THE ONE.  Do you hear me???  .... Oh so many babies, oh so many divorces, oh so much destruction....

 

Want to know something else?  You can prolong that feeling if you go outside God's design or 'create' that feeling if you affair.  The entire set up of  having an affair -- think about it -- allows all the honeymoon feelings to be reignited over and over with the hiding and deception that can become very addictive...the act of 'the affair' is more what this is about then the relationship with that guy you think is THE ONE....  So ladies with the house, the job, the kids and the very emotionally absent, busy husband...pay attention..you are very susceptible to this.  Someone who pays you even the littlest bit of attention (because, guess what...you are looking good) will catch you off-guard and BAM you're thinking about him, arranging to 'see' him, even in innocent ways....

 

If you want another tip about a life-long choice....take some time to be with your male 'friend' and his mother.  Hint hint....how he treats his mom is how he will treat you.  AGAIN, did you hear me?  Pay close attention to how he speaks to her, is he respectful; does he show his love, devotion, appreciation to her?  How does he talk about her to you, to his friends?  Listen to his words, watch his behavior....study him.

 

Another tip ladies; we are only as good as our daddy's have been emotionally available and loved us.  If we have a gap....as I did....we will seek to fill that gap with men.  We are seeking what we did not get as a little girl.  If you read the book Captivating, there is a chapter that talks about how as a little girl she stood on the coffee table and twirled around in her dress asking her daddy..."daddy, do you think I'm pretty?"...and there you have it...

 

From Sacred Marriage..'Sometimes it's a good idea to stay at a thing."  He describes a time when Al Pacino was attending a Frank Sinatra concert in the 1980s and when he arrive, he discovered the opening act featured Buddy Rich, a drummer.  He was disappointed and was not looking forward to having to sit through his performance prior to Frank Sinatra.  'He sat mesmerized, confessing that Buddy Rich transcended what I thought he was gonna do tenfold.'  Rich amazed the audience and when Frank Sinatra came out he said "You see this guy drumming? You know, sometimes it's a good idea to stay at a thing."  Persevering in a marriage creates something that nothing else can match.  A deep marriage takes time to build, as well as tremendous effort, but something about a love that has endured surpasses even the thrill of newly discovered affection and infatuation. 

 

So, I hope this was a little helpful...

 

God bless.

Healthy Replacement for Tunafish Salad

 

Salmon Salad

We substitute this for Tunafish Salad (no mayonaise)

 

 

 

We purchase Wild Caught Salmon, bake it in the oven (I use garlic, olive oil and lemon juice) at 400 degrees for approx. 20 minutes...until completely cooked but not over cooked

 

This picture I used 2 fillets, and boiled 4 farm-fresh eggs.

 

Cut carrotts and steam them until tender (yes, I know, there are broccoli steaming too..just utilized the opportunity to prepare an additional veggie for later).

 

Chop red onion (approx 1/8 cup) and 2 green onions.

 

 

Let the salmon cool and peel the boiled eggs.

Using your hands or a fork, separate the salmon and cut the eggs into small pieces.  Add the chopped carrotts and onions.

 

The dressing is the same dressing I use on garden salads:

 

2/3 c. Smart Oil

1/4 cup honey

1 teaspoon mustard (I use various types, some hot..or just grey poupon)

tiny chopped red onion

1-2 tablespoons lemon juice

Use a whisk....and it's perfect for salads or this Salmon Salad

 

ENJOY

 

 

 

 

Seeing and Believing What is Real

Aging... true or false

It's a hard one--to age and to stay in the now....I look in the mirror and see the wrinkles, I look at others and see them aging---I hear all the ways to look younger and how to pretend.  Is it too harsh to see what is and to accept that we are just as we should be?  I wonder about how many people live in 'prentend-land'...like 'I'll think about that tomorrow, just share the soft and nice with me now'.  You know, join me in pretend land.  If you get "too real" they reject you or become defensive and lash out.  Only talk about how God is love....where will you spend eternity?  I have listened this week in the mornings on my way to work to 90.1 Bott Radio and there has been a theme.

 

My entire life has been about marketing and teaching.  My job has been to present information in the most desirable way....you know, dress it up, make it interesting.  I remember when I was a girl I had a problem with telling it as it really happened.  One time, in particular, I remember when construction workers were in our home and they would store their soda in our refrigerator.  Well, you see, my mom didn't allow soda (being the good mom she is).  So, these were twist off caps and each day I would sneak into the kitchen and take just the littlest sip from each bottle...making them even.  These men told my mom that there must be something wrong with our refrigerator because their soda was going flat by lunchtime.  My mom made me go to these two men and tell them I had been sneaking sips from their soda every day.  I was mortified!!! I cried and cried and was SO humiliated...but I learned my lesson.

 

So where do we go for the absolute truth?  What do we believe?  Do we accept that we are dieing and that God created us with limited life span?  Do we believe in the Bible? or (this is from James McDonald) do we think of the Bible as "an appetizer tray" where we pick just the things we like, or as "car insurance" it's probably needed but not necessarily mandatory, or is the bible like a 'seatbelt' where its the manufacturers fault; I don't really want to wear it, but I have to or that bell will sound, or an algebra equation where its really complicated and hard for me to understand and I just don't know how that's going to apply to my life.  So is the truth the truth ... the Bible the Word of God or not ... Is it the authority or not.  If it is the authority in my life it will stop me dead in my tracks.  It corrects my thinking (Matt 4:4), if we are being real with ourselves we would admit that we really don't want to be disciplined by what The Word says.

 

J. Vernon McGee talked about the difference between humbling ourselves and being humiliated.  Jesus humbled himself on the cross for us.  Dr. McGee described a man who was a very proud and proper guy that wanted everything on the outside to be perfect...so all who saw him would see a man who was put together and 'with it'.  He came to the podium where Dr. McGee was, to join him in front of the church, and he tripped...he was mortified (kinda like me when I was caught); kinda like us when we look in the mirror and see all those wrinkles and oh...that neck!!!  This man could not be humble but it sure was easy for him to be humiliated.

 

In Hebrews 11 the Faith chapter, it talks about being sure of what we hope for and CERTAIN of what we do not see.  Faiths beginning point is in Gods character--who He is and the ending point being Gods promises; what He will do.  He says; believing His promises even if we don't see them is a sign of faith.  As you obey God, don't be surprised if others regard you as 'different'.  Your obedience makes their disobedience stand out.  One more thought from this reading; Material things should be the least satisfying of rewards...and true faiths helps us see beyond the grave.

 

So if you are in a situation where you are stopped dead in your tracks, and during that time it seems painful; remember...The Lord disciples those who He loves; He is doing this so you can share in His holiness.  At the time of pain, remember it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. 

 

Who loves their child more? the parent who allows the child to do what will harm him, or the one who corrects, trains, and even punishes the child to help him learn what is right?

 

Go look in the mirror, time is a tickin'....be real with where you are, who you are....who is your authority?

 



Garlic Mac & Cheese -- gluten free

 

 Mac & Cheese

Gluten Free

 

 

 

Purchase these rice noodles ... Cook according to instructions on package (13-14 minutes).  While they are cooking, in another pan melt about a tablespoon of butter and add to it a finely chopped

1 tablespoon or teaspoon (depends on how much garlic flavor you like) elephant garlic.  Once the butter has melted, turn off the burner.  Let it set.  The Gluten free flour I use is also in this picture; ignore it.

 

 

 

 

Once your pasta is as tender as you like it (do not over cook it--rice pasta gets mushy fast), drain.

 

Place your butter and garlic in bowl, place drained pasta in bowl, gently stir.

 

 

Add 1 - 2 tablespoons butter, and approx. 1 cup mozzarella cheese, a splash of milk, and approx. 1/4 cup bread crumbs (rice)

 

 

 

 

 

 

Now.. gently stir and place a lid on top just long enough tomelt butter and cheese.  I top it with garlic/pepper salt we get from local meninite store.

 

It only takes 20 minutes.  Enjoy!!

 





 



Children; here today, gone tomorrow

Just when you think you have things under control; the kids are in a routine, your home is running fairly well, a career.....you know, that 'perfect' life you bought as a little girl playing with Barbie.  And about Barbie...what a set up!!  Ken, convertible...mansion...what does it say "watch little eyes what you see".  Anyway...that's another topic.

Your child grows up and moves away, goes to college...doesn't really matter why...it happens.  I know for me, the act of moving my first child into the dorm the first year of college was a BIG deal.  Checked off everything that could have possibly happened, or needed...shower rings, a bath mat to match the shower curtain...OVER DONE.  I cried the minute I could (alone and away from my child, wouldn't want them to know).  Year two or even second semester...not even sure I asked if there was a shower, let alone a curtain with matching anything.

That transition is HUGE...how to describe and help those with high school age children...hmmm
Well, you have pretty much complete control and suddenly...NONE.   Then, you have them back on weekends, then it's a laundry issue, then you're just the hotel and restaurant (oh and bank). 

The term individuation was introduced to me in one of my many therapy sessions.  It was explained like this; as your child starts to see them self as separate from you they will have to 'not like' you to make this all work in their brain and heart.  So, remember this when things get ugly.  I am not saying 'take it', I'm just saying it helped me to understand this and that it's normal.  Figuring out how to remain MOM and manage all the business that has to be managed for your little 'eagle' leaving the nest (by the way....eagles bring thorns into the nest to make it uncomfortable) is difficult.  Providing boundaries along the way has been my challenge.  My children do not come home much any more.  This hurts my heart....But there is a time when lifestyle and respect for someones home has to be a significant part of this transformation in this new relationship with your children.  I'll just say it, we  WORK here at the farm...and we GET UP early (before 11:00 am), and this is not an attractive thing for most 20-somethings (I know it wouldn't have been for me during college), especially when there are many other places to go and hang out.  So, the deli ma you will have to face is....do I entertain, wait on, provide maid service, accept all behaviors and 'added features' that might come with my children in order to have them CHOOSE my home to visit me. Am I prepared for the conflict this will cause for my husband...this is all new with divorced family situations....where and how do you as mom remain mom and where and how do you remain wife, respecting husband?   It is such a different concept now, compared to when I grew up and went to college, but my parents are still together....and there's the sting.  It's NOT FAIR.

NOT FAIR

From the book A Grace Disguised by Jerry Sittser who lost his wife, mother, and daughter in a car accident talks about fairness.  After the trial of the person driving the other car, he was bothered by the fact that this wasn't fair.  "...I began to be bothered by this assumption that I had a right to complete fairness."  In my life, I have always had worked from the vantage point (comparing place) of  'what is fair'.  Well, not having your children visit you in your home is not fair.  I like how he thinks through his loss..."I did not deserve to lose three members of my family.  But then again, I am not sure I deserved to have them in  the first place." 

Hmmm consider that....Ye of gotta have it my way...

 

He continues, "Perhaps I did not deserve their deaths, but I did not deserve their presence in my life either.  On the face of it, living in a perfectly fair world appeals to me.  But deeper reflection  makes me wonder.  In such a world I might never experience tragedy; but neither would I experience grace, especially the grace God gave me..."

He goes on to say "the problem of expecting to live in a perfectly fair world is that there is not grace in that world. for grace is grace ONLY WHEN IT IS UNDESERVED."  "A fair world may make life nice for us, but only as nice as we are.  We may get what we deserve, but I wonder how much that is and whether or not we would really be satisfied.  A world with grace will give us more than we deserve.  It will give us life, even in our suffering."

So, how can I seek fairness...I can't...our children will grow up, we will grow old...and God will be there.  It's as if I think He's not going to provide...like if my kids grow up and leave I am left with 'nothing'. Ann Voskamps 1000 Gifts describes a mothers heart as she is holding her youngest child saying to herself  'Stay, Little One, stay....'  She is crying over the fact that she can't capture it, hold it, this, her life now, me in this moment.  She is leaving me, she's growing up and moving away from me.  As she feels this loss, she identifies that she is refusing to face tomorrow, to "walk the bridge that the Bridge Builder made".  In this, she calls herself an atheist...a believer who doesn't believe.

This hits me hard....how much of my worry falls in this category....my selfishness...

So, she does what the books is teaching us to do because Thanksgiving always prcedes the miracle.  She identifies things she is thankful for, and in the process; this is what she writes about that moment;  "All fear is but the notion that God's love ends.  Did you think I end, that My bread warehouses are limited, that I will not be enough?  But I am infinite, child.  What can end in Me? Can life end in Me? Can happiness, or peace? or anything you need? Doesn't your Father always give you what you need?...(page 161)"

Women really struggle here...right here....spend your life raising children, go through menopause, teenage years with kids, college....then they leave and now what???? I think many divorces happen at this stage and in the 30s of a married life for a woman.  Understanding and accepting that loss and His bread 'warehouses' are not limited, makes all the difference.

Give thanks....it is NOT fair, and that's a GOOD thing

Thoughts....comments?

God Bless....more to come

Marriage, Are We Reacting or Behaving out of Reverence for God

Marriage; Good Morning Dear



Marriage....Are we reacting to symptoms....or working toward what Peter tells us to do, 'to perfect holiness out of reverence for God'.

This entry includes my insights from our devotion this morning in Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas. We read how different it is to be in holy matrimony vs. marriage.  The behavior toward your spouse is focused on what is said in 2 Corinthians 7:1 Let us purify ourselves from everything that contaminates body and spirit, perfecting holiness out of reverence for God.

So, how in the world do we do this?  I am speaking from a life of marriage failures...I am not that perfect, christian woman writing from so glorious pure white married life...I am writing from a place where I am being transformed in my mind, body and spirit...where what I have done in the past has not worked, so here I am Lord, I am yours... place...

In marriages past, and from my family of origin, the structure of husband and wife...marriage...has been mostly adversarial, "I am woman, hear me roar", get the picture?  So when I say transformational, I mean God is doing a work in my life.  In conflict, I would puff up and drive in the middle of it to 'fix' it...be it we need to improve our communication, we need to show more appreciation for each other, we need to have a more unified plan with the children, we need to work harder at keeping the romance alive in our relationship (all examples from the devotion this morning).  I wouldn't let it rest until 'We Got It'...can you hear that conversation?  YUK!!  Years and years of that.... 

Remember how I introduced Dr. Glasser in my first entry....the filter....here is where it really comes alive for me (visual learner that I am).  My filter is being replaced .... it is going from symptom-fixer to God-centered...the book asks "Are you a God-centered spouse or a spouse-centered spouse?"  Do I act nicely toward my husband only when he acts nice toward me? Hmmm

We had a guest here last week who was struggling in her marriage.  I remember saying to her "you know what God has revealed to me about marriage?  --- gesturing toward my husband sitting beside me -- it really doesn't matter who this is (but I am grateful it is my husband, thank you Lord for him) -- what He is pressing on me is ... this is about you Cindy" ... all these years of seeking in marriage ... every decision, every word, every thought, every behavior is to flow out of one holy motivation (new filter) REVERENCE FOR GOD.  My 'seeking to be filled' by a man...to BE HAPPY...can't be done, did you get it??? Can't be done!!!  I'm married to a sinner--OUCH-- 'Someone Else's sin --even the sin of my husband against me--never gives me the license to respond with sin.  I am called to just one motivation, and one only: reverence for God.'  All these failed marriages, all these tearful nights, Ladies...the guy just doesn't have it....it's not there...it's with your true Father.  Stop looking to him and look to Him...consider your marriage a ministry, a mission-field...

So, WOW...husband blasts into bedroom while I'm sleeping (snow day, no work)...plugs in his Ipad on my night stand, knocks my glasses to the floor.  Hmmm, how do you think that played out?  I was not a happy camper.  My thoughts went like this;  Really? You think so little of me that you would do all those things?  Wow, he doesn't love me at all, Wow, he doesn't want me to sleep any more, He wants me to get up...He's trying to control me....
See where our thinking goes....If I had perfected what I just shared my thinking would NOT follow in this manner.  It would have been VERY different....

Please add any comments.  I would love to know if you are reading this, liking this, have and suggestions....

God bless

Health...what about it

Women and Menopause

 

 

 

Life is always how we view it through our filter, which is made up of all our lifes' experiences.  We have issues come at us, we receive them through our filter, we compare them and how they will meet our needs, then we plan or behave...Thank you Dr. Glasser (an Atheist under which I studied Choice Theory) and now am using to glorify God.  So, if you understand this vessel is but a gift; needn't we take care of it?  Do our best to honor it? 

 

I have absolutely NO medical background, so that's my disclaimer; what I share...consider it as you would a cookbook.  Find something you like and try it out.

 

I am not receiving anything AT ALL for sharing these products...they just work for me.

 

First, the only way I made it through menopause and the lack of memory, the  non-use of 'nouns', agitation (and this was following several doctors visits) was through taking these...Avena Herbal Balance, Herbal Brilliance and Vitamin Supreme (Thank you Amanda Snelson)...I add Calcium with Vitamin D for my bones, along with lifting weights.  Ladies, research this; weight bearing exercise is a must for our bones as we age. I also have taken up horse-back riding with a One-Day Women Facing Their Fears event as a result of horsemanship lessons (thank you LeAnn Lacey).

 

The second major change is my diet.  I have gone gluten free and follow the B+ (my blood type) diet plan from Dr. Peter J. D'Adamo. 

 

Here are some of the recipes and meals I use;

 

Green Smoothie---fist full of spinach, 1-2 cups filtered water (pulse in blender), add highly beneficial fruits--fresh pineapple, blue berries (we purchase/pick from area blueberry farms and freeze excess), frozen over ripe bananas, black cherries and pineapple juice (not from concentrate). Now set your blender on blend.  This is a good cleanse; my daughter taught me how to make this when she lived in Van Couver she worked in a smoothie shop.

 

Oatmeal--I only use Steel Cut Oats, purchase from area Mennonite store.  I place 2 cups water to 1 cup oats in a pan first thing in the morning, bring to boil, put lid on and turn burner off.  Add our farm-raised honey and blueberries...

 





Another favorite is a replacement for tuna fish salad...I use cod (wild-caught), bake it, add our farm-fresh eggs boiled, onion, carrotts and an oil-based dressing (see below).

I received the Pioneer Woman Cooks Food From My Frontier by Ree Drummond for Christmas and I love all the pictures...especially when I cook...I'm a visual learner.  (That's why all the pictures.)

Bake at 350 degrees, place cod on lemon slices, cover with olive oil and garlic, bake for 20 minutes or until it is moist and flaky.

Boil 3 eggs, cut up in bite-size pieces, do the same with red onion and carrotts

Let the Cod cool, then shred it on top of the onion, add all ingredience.

 

 

Finished salad...we add a layer of spinach on top toaste ezekiel sprouted bread.

 

One last recipe is Banana Bread...gluten-free is difficult...I have experimented with many different flours and I have found the King Authur brand to be the best.  I use the old Betty Crocker cook book recipe, substituting the flour and using only brown sugar.

 

 

So there are some hints and recipes....let me know if you have any questions or need links for any of the above products..

 

 

May God Bless you!

 

 

 

Letting Go

First writing~January 5, 2014

Letting Go of 'Real Estate' for Christmas



I'm a woman, 53 years old with 2 adult children, living on a farm in Missouri with retirement ahead and Christmas just behind.

I'm a woman who has worked to find worth, loved to fill that God-hole, and am entering a time in life where all I imagined...planned for...invested in..has little or no eternal value...this revelation is not entirely a bad thing...God uses ALL things for His good.

I'm a woman who is just now learning God loves me...no really...and true joy is found when I become smaller.  Go figure...I become smaller; life becomes bigger....who knew?  My entire life has been about being the best; being first; making money; growing your program; winning the race...and now, I'm finding God is calling me to step back into the audience...release my hold...let go of the 'real estate' I had always held onto, especially at Christmas.  Allow my adult children and family 'to Christmas' and I would just stop the battle for my time--my house--my meal--my way.  (Want to know how good that felt? And how I felt after it was all over?)

So, I invite you to follow me in this journey.  I will share about Gods transforming work in my life, my struggle to surrender and much more. 

This blog will include how I have been working at coping with children growing up, leaving home; marriage struggles that are now strengths; beginning Bed and Breakfast with inn keeper insights; retirement; and vitamins/suppliments/recipes that will help as our body changes.  I was a college athlete and coach; now a farmers wife & a Bed and Breakfast owner with many ministry opportunities ... But most of all ... I struggle with where my children are, their walk with The Lord, my family as my parents age, menopause, and marriage.

So, come into the bible-belt; I welcome you into a woman's heart and life as we share in these opportunities for growth together.

God bless