Deliverance or Being Transformed in My Thinking

In reading Exodus, I have discovered a new layer of understanding the statement 'why does God allow this?' 'Why do bad things happen to good people?'  And it took a fall for me to see it.  A different experience of powerlessness from the ground looking up at Nitro; a new 'filter' from which to view life.  I wouldn't recommend this view, but that is what I'm going to share in the post.

A Life Event--you know, those things people post on Facebook, those perfect life events.  I look at them and as I read the comments ... I track my thinking.  I actually transfer what I am reading to my comparing place in my mind and here is where we have to be careful, because this is the place where what is going on in other people's lives match our picture, but what is going on in our life does not.  Then, the next place this takes my thinking is placing my value or worth as the sum or the end product of this.  Being mindful of my thoughts and where they take me is something I am learning. 

You try it, think about what you are thinking about....

I am learning that sometimes God doesn't answer my prayers when I pray to take this trial from me. What I should be praying is to reinforce my shoes I'm wearing to gear me up to walk through the trial.  Also, it seems that things really do get worse before they get better.  Moses doubted and God had to build Moses up and prepare him before He could use him.  That is what has been going on with me.  I have been wanting to remain where I was comfortable (my anxiety about retiring).  God is working on my stubbornness and fear.

LESSON 15--Legs mean GO, Reins mean STOP

I'm sure this will surprise you, but I began my horse lessons using both.  Legs and reins at the same time because, you guessed it, I wanted to control it ALL.  Squeeze your legs, or just one leg to send a message to your horse to move in that direction, pull on the reins and communicate stop, turn, or go backwards. There is a time when you use both, when you want to communicate to your horse to stop trying to take control.  Nitro's way of rebelling was to lengthen his head and jerk up his nose (become NOT ROUND) to say "I'm not going to do what you want, I want these reins."  So, LeAnn taught me in these situations to squeeze with my legs AND pull back on the reins at the same time to create a more rounded body in Nitro.  A rounded body in a horse is an obedient horse.  I will talk about this later, it is called hollow bit vs. rounded body.

As I ride Nitro I would find that he would revert back to old behaviors.  If we were not going in the direction he wanted to go, he would lengthen his head and neck again and I would remind him that I am in charge not him.  I would interrupt his thinking.

Old behaviors follow what is commonly called "stinking thinking" in people.  Sad feelings follow many of my old behaviors, and thus you see I need to be delivered from this kind of cycle.  We are discussing our thought life in Sunday School and I had an opportunity to apply this.

This week my family is gone on a trip, my two adult children are on this trip and I am not able to go.  As they sent me a picture of them being reunited (Christmas was the last time they saw each other), I had a 'bad feeling' which followed my 'bad thinking'.
See if you follow with me;
I text to a friend that the kids are together ... sent the pic to her and her reply was 'Awwww saweet!!'
My reply was "working hard at capturing my thoughts ...  not allowing old feelings creep in."
Her response was "Be happy for the two of them ... that they like each other and they are healthy... etc. etc."
I started thinking about my thinking here and said; "Do you think my deal is I want to be 'in on it?';
you know, if I was being honest as a parent who 'raised them', wanting to get a bit of what they are about -- their 'stuff' to take credit for it?"

"To bring significance to time and effort I invested in them?"  

"Almost a sense of entitlement to who they are and how they turned out"... "Like

'Way to go Cindy, all that paid off'"

She texted back "Some good processing there".  I texted "Creepy how when you follow your thinking how it's most the time pointing back to your own selfish needs."  I wonder if 'empty nesters blues' are marinated in that thinking?  No wonder depression follows...Add to that all that goes with retirement and if you're not healthy, spiritually grounded in your thinking...YIKES!

My question to you is Where are you headed? Are you being bounced around by thoughts and the behaviors and feelings that follow?  Feeling out of control?  No peace?

2 Corinthians 10:5 We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.