This last week has been full of realities that in my hurried, working and raising kids world I didn't 'see' in my 'former' life.
My husband and I had the wonderful opportunity to sing and pray with a brother in Christ who is now with The Lord. The life of following Christ was evident as his wife celebrated his life with us, describing how and why he liked the hymns she chose for us to sing to him.
She would whisper to him 'it's ok ~ go to Jesus'. What a difference it makes ... knowing.
Then later in the week my husband had the opportunity to share his testimony at Victory Mission. The room was packed as it has been very cold this week and those desiring a meal were required to attend a service in their chapel. I would guess there were over 100 people in that room. The eyes of these people were shy, and easily withdrew ~ but if you looked at them, really looked and greeted them, they responded warmly.
The service began with hymn choices and singing. One lady blurted out that they were choosing different hymns tonight because "it's always the same thing". Then my husband spoke. The coughing and chatter lessened and the more real he became the more engaged they were. At one moment when he was talking about trust a lady raised her hand and said "Sir, Sir ... Has your mom ever turned you in to your P.O. officer?" And at that moment it became real for her.
He asked "how many of you were beaten as a kid?" Almost every hand went up ... and then it got real for most everyone in the room. He moved into forgiveness and healing ... then to the saving grace of God our true Father. They were very attentive and received like a dry sponge thirsty for water.
I thought, 'Wow', this family who invited my husband to speak has been bringing their family to serve these people for over 10 years now. What an impact they made on their children's perception of people and those they served.
We ended our week at a visitation. This lady was an Aunt of a dear friend of ours who raised him. There laid her body in the casket. The end of a life, but we all gather ... she's not there, she's with The Lord, yet we gather together to make it real ~ the passing.
I remember when a neighbor of ours who lives in a Mennonite community lost their child. We were invited. I dressed in all black, sat on the 'ladies' side of the church, men on the other side and participated in the ceremony. We would turn and kneel bowing over the seat of the pew, then sing without accompaniment. At the conclusion of the ceremony, inside, one by one people passed the family seated in the front of the church ... the mother, holding the child in her arms. This was odd to me, but I participated. Then we followed everyone outside and they buried the child in the ground right there, the family did the shoveling ... finally, the meal.
These events and life-happenings made me realize the importance of 'seeing'. The realness of life is in the 'seeing'.
I guess what I'm trying to share is the reality of life, the REALNESS of it all and how we can live, while we are here, and how we leave is our choice. I thought about the Christians being killed along that beach and I heard that though they were videoing the event those being killed praised their Lord and Savior to the end!
What was meant for evil, God used to proclaim Him .. Genesis 50:20
'You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.'
They were 'seen'....
It was real ...
RETIRED
Nine months later ... since my last day of teaching ... I am now an outsider looking in.
Things that have changed;
I am no longer as compelled to watch the clock, as my days were so structured based on school bell schedule.
I am no longer as 'calendar' bound either. Every year when I would return to work one of the first things I would do was fill in all school-related days, from days off to professional development to the beginning and ending of 1st, 2nd, 3rd and 4th quarters.
This 'employment behavior' was so much a part of who I was ... I am wondering how many people who have retired, process their life after retirement in a positive way -- receiving a double portion.
In our Breathe Bible Study by Priscilla Shirer she quotes Anne Graham Lotz
"The Lord told me a long time ago that He would take care of my business if I would take care of His."
I guess I've been so busy taking care of my business (school); that now I am able to consider changing my focus. That change in focus is exactly what God is doing in my life ... creating a margin. It's as if now that I have made 'room' for Him, I can release more of 'my business' to Him ... my excess.
I was listening to the radio today and Dr. Charles Stanley was on. He was talking about His Promise to Provide. It is based on
Mark 11:24Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours
Dr. Stanley said;
"Trust, ask according God's will, believe that God has heard you, and then believe that it's a done deal. There comes a time in our asking (the lowest level of faith) where we say "I know He could", this is a faith-deal and it's a done-deal and we walk in that. We obey Him and watch Him work, let Him be the choosing of the channel and the time, but it's a done deal."
This really spoke to me and my level of trust in God.
This concept of margin, excess, scarcity, stinginess and sabbath is important to understand.
"Never retain what God is asking us to release ... we must realize that by keeping more, we're actually left with less in the end." Pricilla Shirer
Yes, that's me ...
I have self-diagnosed and I admit that I get stuck in relationships 'doing'.
Here's a word-picture
I'm out in the middle of a huge body of water with my nose barely out of the water to breathe, walking toward the deep end without taking a minute to see where I'm taking myself.
Get the picture?
Need a real-life, example?
Well, when I was in college or maybe I was teaching ... I can't remember ... it was my Dad's birthday and I made him a cake to surprise him. I planned, drove to his office--was all 'giddy' inside--walked into his office and his secretary asked how she might help me. I blurted out "I'm here to see my Dad." She pushes a button, tells my Dad I'm here to see him (unannounced) and she points to a door where I am to walk through to see him. In my mind, I'm just going to pop into his office and say 'Happy Birthday" Surprise!! He's going to jump up and stop everything to hug me and be SO happy to see me, just He and I.
I go through the door and there is a long table with men in suits all around it and my Dad at the head of the table (obviously an important meeting, of which I've just interrupted for a cake delivery, YIKES). I'm mortified -- at that moment, I look down at my pitiful cake and come to my senses; sit the cake on the table, say Hhhhhappy Birthday Dad, so sorry to interrupt and I jet out of there.
In my adult life, I continue to do things like this. Special candle-lit dinners, hand written cards ... with music ... I create all these things that in my mind will be received as I intended and when they aren't ... spiral downward ... back in the water, walking toward the deep end.
It's a set up, all orchestrated by ME, about ME.
You see, I now know that I unintentionally (subconsciously) do for people to bring a positive response to me that in turn validates me and 'makes me feel worthy'. What I don't realize is that I am perceiving the response I receive from people in my life now through the 'view' of that young girl attempting to be affirmed by her Dad. (Her Dad who managed a very large company and was exceptional at his job, by the way). When it is a negative response, or a 'non' response, I am crushed.
As Gary Thomas says in Sacred Marriage;
"If my wife Lisa is faithfully serving me when I'm in a surly mood and I'm not exactly falling over myself to show my appreciation, she still receives an inner affirmation and sense of fulfillment from God. She has the joy of that inner witness that tells her that her Creator is pleased with her."
Hmmm
I don't think our guys in our life are intentionally ignoring or inadvertently 'missing' the mark with their affirming us. I just think they don't think like us. This is not in any way to put down my Dad or anyone else in my life. I am just trying to communicate a thought process I think many women go through and get caught in a dark place mentally as we process it incorrectly. (Satan loves to get us to think badly of ourselves).
We have placed our focus on a person and not on God.
Gary continues with;
"To become a servant is to become radically strong spiritually. It means you are free from the petty demands and grievances that ruin so many lives and turn so many hearts into bitter cauldrons of disappointment, self-absorption, and self-pity."
"There is TRUE joy when TRUE service is offered up with a TRUE heart."
Lord, please help me move past the initial hurt if my efforts to serve are not received with appreciation. Help me at that moment to look inward to my intent in my heart as I am serving and ask -- Am I faithfully serving? Is it TRUE? Grow me to become radically strong spiritually. Allow my heart to receive the fulfillment from God in those moments.
Amen
I am certain I'm not the only person reading this blog that gets that 'icky' feeling (where there used to be a secret sense of anticipation and excitement) as Valentine's Day approaches.
I'm not sure why ...
Is it that I'm older and all of that gift giving and romance stuff is behind me?
Is it that I understand now that cold hard fact that expectation kills relationships?
Am I that self centered? Thinking I 'deserve' to 'get' something?
And how sad it is to let all of that go ... like when you found out there's no Santa Clause.
What a revelation ...
Then I know some ladies who can always count on that romantic gesture; a planned evening out, a bouquet of flowers or chocolates and I'm not sure living that life is any happier.
So what is it about this day and all the reminders going on all around me that triggers such a sadness?
A gift ~ a noun. A thing given willingly to someone without payment; a present.
So my question is if it's just a repeat of 'this is what I do on Valentine's Day because I always have done this'
Then I say it's not a gift, by definition...it's an obligation.
A gift thought process would go something like ... 'Oh I can't wait to surprise her/him with this because it's from my heart and I want them to know how much I am thinking/loving them'. Now that's something willingly given, a true gift.
So how do you rest in knowing that when/if you do not receive anything, not a card, flowers, chocolates or even a word about this day, on this day, that your loved one still loves you?
You see marketing is doing its best work here. Attaching a feeling with an activity, event or product ~ Valentine's Day.
A woman who gets too caught up in romanticism runs the risk of riding the waves of emotions and feelings that are attached to whether or not this or that is done or not done by the other.
Gary Thomas says in Sacred Marriage;
"Marriage based on romanticism embraces an idealized lie (infatuation) and then divorces the reality once it presents itself. Marriage based on life in Jesus Christ invites us to divorce the lie (an idealized view of our spouse) and embrace reality (two sinful people struggling to maintain a lifelong commitment.)"
So Lord help those whose hearts are hurt when thoughts and feelings are affected by days like Valentine's Day in a sad way. Help us keep our focus vertical -- on You Lord -- and not be fooled (like Eve) that we need more and our spouse loves us less if we do not 'get' a gift this Valentine's Day.
Amen
Recently, on a trip to KC I listened to the book Captivating by Staci and John Eldridge (well, I should say I listened to the beginning of the book). I read the book a few years ago, have purchased and shared this book with many women. Now I am breaking it down, bit by bit, and taking voice notes on my phone as I listen.
In this post I would like to share some of the personal revelations from listening and personalizing the information from the book.
The desires of a woman's heart are;
To be Known
To be Needed (to know that that's the adventure and that the stuff you are made of is needed.)
To be Sought After
The heart of a man;
A Battle to be Fought
Adventure
Every Man Longs for a Beauty to Rescue
****
Now, think about your husband. As I think about mine, his concept of 'Adventure' is very different than mine. If you share a similar picture of adventure with your husband, you are fortunate. For my husband, as I have studied him lately, I see his adventure is here on the farm. He has 'projects'--I see adventure as sharing new places and environments -- travel. So I would suggest studying your man, not that I'm an expert or anything, but I do know that expectations in relationships kill relationships.
****
In the book, they describe creation as written in Genesis; "Eve was the crescendo in God's creation". Eve was the last thing God created, and with each creation--beauty became more and more--so what does that say about the beauty of women? The world was not complete until woman was created.
To get that in my heart ~ I am God's ultimate creation in beauty.
God created both man and woman in His likeness ~ this is important, because if the six characteristics listed above are in God's likeness, then when a man becomes irritated with a woman's need to communicate and be in relationship at a deeper level with their husband, this is a part of God's characteristic in woman--it is the 'Glory of God'.
There is a connection in God's heart only found through the woman's heart. To be known, To be Chosen, To be Sought, To be desired, To be Number One, To be Pursued.
Next, the authors discuss Eve's creation and the concept of 'Help Meet' and they try to translate the Greek work (Azar). to be a sustainer by his side ... (Azar) ... and how God is used in a life or death situation, when we are to call out for God, the Greek word (Azar) is used over and over.
To be a sustainer by his side.
Woman was the essence of God to create beauty.
This is how God intended for us to think about ourself -- the concept of 'Beauty'.
So what is 'Beauty'?
If a woman's essence is beauty.
If a male's essence is in movement.
This makes me wonder about hurt, confused women.
How many women have made the mistake of crossing over into male characteristics due to
not feeling worthy
or
not being seen
or
not being chosen
or
not feeling worth
because that's the essence of our heart.
In doing this they missed God's design of beauty, they missed this out of hurt.
If that's the heart of a woman, when those issues of our heart are deeply hurt or possibly completed by another female, how deceptive that becomes. As I understand these elements of our design, say their family was very male-dominated and the only time you received positive feedback or a sense of worth given to you by your father, was when you were working hard -- doing and producing as much as a man. You received that artificial 'praise' all little girls desire from their daddy and how that crosses over.
Satan has used this.
Man is a warrior--strength in action--on behalf of God, the maleness says "God will come through" that's the warrior in men.
God is on the move.
This is why a passive man is so unappealing because a passive man is saying "God will not come through".
Beauty's characteristics;
Peace
Invites
Nourishing
Offers Life
Comforts (flowers to hospitals)
Inspires
Transcendent (Is the most immediate experience of the eternal)
Contentment
Making Room
All is Well
All Shall Be Well
This is what its like to be with a woman who is comfortable with her beauty.
Being with a 'striving' woman is SO discerning to a man.
Ouch ...
Fallen Eve is described as a controlling woman. A woman who is always controlling, is a woman who is afraid of being known.
'Everything that does not come from faith is sin.'
It isn't a bad thing to be strong -- what they are saying is a woman who forfeits their femininity to be strong is going against God's design and you aren't living out your faith. When you are trying to control -- that characteristic is more masculine then feminine. There's nothing attractive about that in a woman. God designed woman to be tender and merciful which is the exact opposite.
Women learn from their mothers what it means to be feminine and they learn from their fathers their value.
What value you have as a woman ... you learn that from your father.
Think about all the women who grew up with fathers who did not value women. How that patterning in a girls brain affected how they thought about themselves as a woman ... that's huge.
If you had a dad who took the time to value you, consider yourself lucky.
My question is how to 'unprogram' that thinking for all others?
Childhood wounds -- you vow something in your head and heart -- not intentionally, but it's a deep-seeded message about our wounds. Like a verdict "Fine, if that's how it is, than that's how it is; and I will live my life in the following way..." Grit your teeth, pull your boots up by their bootstraps and get 'r done.
The book describes the author as she was growing up and the childhood messages given to her from her mother and father. Her mother shared with Staci that she was the fourth of four children and how much stress her birth brought to the already stressed family. Her father was absent from the family due to his job and when he was home he was absent--he was an alcoholic. His message to her was she was not lovely or valued. So Staci took on the role of not causing pain, not rocking the boat, becoming invisible.
In her adult life, conflict was a time she would become 'invisible' -- she would go hide in the closet. That was all she knew. Conflict would trigger that childhood hurt or wound.
She hid her needs, heart, true self, desires. She feared that she was not enough for her husband--being inadequate.
What was your 'unspoken, or spoken' childhood message from your mother and father?
How is that affecting your marriage?
