Whoa Zone and Go Zone

LESSON 11--Allow Nitro to Fail

As I was learning the whoa zone, go zone and the go go zone in relation to where you plant your body as guiding a horse, I was thinking 'how easy this is'.  If Nitro didn't get the message I added pressure (changed my body position).   The further I moved toward his rear end the quicker his pace, as I moved to his head he would slow down.  All of this was happening in the arena while I was lunging him (he would go in a circle around me on a rope).  When he would 'get it wrong' LeAnn taught me to tug hard on the rope and stand firm....even if he reared up and got spooked (or in other words failed at the command).  I am the center of this circle (I'm sure in math this is called something) and from this point I was to allow Nitro to fail.

Here are some of the horses Nitro has lead out of the barn and into the yard!

(Do you see Nitro?)

All mothers know how difficult it is to allow our children or grandchildren to fail; to hurt; or to not succeed.  I remember when it was time for my children to get their shots, and I wanted to 'take the shot' instead of my children.  I think throughout my life it has been much easier for me to take the pain then to allow it onto my children.  Through divorce, I have over-functioned and over-protected my children (even spoiled them).  It's as if we try to compensate for the loss....so, I would not stand firm, yank the rope, draw attention to our true foundation.  I allowed the hesitation.  Have you witnessed the parenting strategy where the parent has a conversation with the child?  Tries to reason with them?  Can you imagine what that would look like in the arena? (I wasn't quite like that, but this is what I am talking about.)

To illustrate further, a LeAnn story;  our dog Buck is wonderful....however, when we work horses he thinks he is supposed to help by running and barking at the horse.  The first time Buck came into the arena when LeAnn started training, I told Buck 'go'....I said it over and over and over.....I pointed....I scolded....I drug his body out of the arena.  LeAnn finally turned to me and said in a soft voice "do you mind if I disciple Buck, I won't hurt him", I said 'sure'.  She took her long whip (which she has ultimate control over, I've never seen such precision) and she said to Buck in a stern voice "Buck"....*whip*....."OUT".  Oh my, he was outside the arena in a second and never came back in.  She did not touch him with the whip,  it just cracked *near* him.  From that day on, Buck would sit and watch outside the arena.  LeAnn would pet Buck, Buck would greet her in the driveway, but the minute she went in the arena, he would go lay down in the shade.  My point is, was there a conversation or hesitation.....?

Here is Buck

In Gen 19:15-29 you can read about Sodom and Gomorrah which is all about hesitation.  We must see that our hesitation to obey stems from the false attractions of our culture's pleasures.  We are clinging to the past, unwilling to turn completely away.  Are you looking back longing at sin while trying to move forward with God?

Jesus said "No one can serve two masters". Matthew 6:25

Recently, I have witnessed (or perhaps just now am seeing) what people worship, lets just call them idols.  The pictures on the walls, the subjects of our photography, the conversation..... I am noticing as I discuss my retirement how the conversation generally follows income and how to make more.....I am noticing how 'we pretend' and create a 'pretend' life.  It's as if we have bought into the Barbie life.....we have Ken, now we need the convertible and the vacations, home.....you get the picture?

If I were to compare myself to Nitro, I would have to say that my pace in life has been directly affected by what is in front of my eyes (my whoa zone) and what is behind me (my go zone).  Now, it is my life challenge (with God's help) to be able to answer favorably this question;

What are your family and friends learning about God by watching you?

Pressure Release

Are You Creating Dependence?
Have they moved in?

LESSON 10--Pressure Release

In training Nitro, LeAnn taught me about the concept of pressure/release.  If I add pressure (say with my leg into his side to encourage him to side step) the moment he responds appropriately, there is an instant 'release' or 'relief' (I stop pressing my leg into his side and I praise him).  Nitro learns that HE CHOOSES and HE IS IN CHARGE of the release.  Cool concept, huh....

This translates to my life relationships.  As I reflect, and God revealed to me this concept in my life, I could see how my adding to ... in times of intense moments with men ...  has not worked.  When I added pressure in intense moments with NO RELIEF it would bring on more strife.  An example would be when a phone call was received by my husband and a suggestion to go and visit these people in another state.  He suggested, I agreed .... I got excited for the spontaneous road trip and what romance we might find along the way together ... I packed and prepared; then he got out the map and calculated how far the trip would be and started backing out of the trip.  In the past, the 'old Cindy' would have 'added pressure'...."What do you mean we aren't going, I've packed .... you said .... we haven't spent any time together ...." a barrage of words and emotion ..... Do you get the picture?

I decided (I chose) to use this concept of pressure/release in this situation.  Instead of 'adding pressure' I went against everything I have inside of me (well, at least the flesh-part of me) and I said in a soft, calm voice "what ever you think dear, just let me know" and I left the room.  Now it's his decision, not a result of a pressure-filled conversation.

Cool huh....

Oh want to know if we went?  YES!!  And we had a wonderful time.  I love my husband SO much.

Now the next training element related to this concept is; what if Nitro does NOT respond to the added pressure, what next?  LeAnn taught me to 'hold my pressure, hold my position, do not let up'.

This relates to raising children (even adult children).  Be who you are no matter their behavior, a solid rock here at home...never changing...no matter their behavior, always the same here.  Love them, but protect your marriage and your home as they grow.  Do not let up...do not cave to their demands to the point you give up your home and respect your husband's right to his home.  I hope you understand the intent of my heart here, I just know that as a mom and in a blended family; we mom's are in a position where we have tried to be the 'be all' for our children (even more in blended families, or single mom's), and as bad as this might sound, but once your kids grow up and leave (I'm talking in their 20's) there has to be a time where they have to struggle.

~The way eagles remove the comforts of the nest (like the down that so soft in the nest) so their children are encouraged to leave the 'nest' (forces independence)~

One last concept .... if Nitro gets agitated (like if the herd is running off without him) ... it's not a good idea to make him stand and force him to 'behave'.  LeAnn taught me to 'get him busy', 'change where he is looking', 'get his body moving, doing something he knows how to do to change his thinking'.  I have to say that this is something that works for me too.  How about you?

Don't Give Praise During Disobedience

Disobedience

LESSON 9--Barn stall, storm, darkness, barking dog....

Is there is a difference between obedience, persistence and stubbornness?

So, its time for a lesson.  Nitro is in our "big--just found out it's a foaling stall" in the barn, it is raining outside and LeAnn is on her way....the fear is setting in, I'm wondering what in the world is she going to have me do with Nitro in this weather.  Our dog Eli is nervous, Nitro does not like the stall he is in and his eyes are wide, nostrils open wide too...snorting (in the horse world that is how they smell for danger).  So I wait; thunder, wind, rain....and LeAnn arrives.  She tells me to get in the stall with Niro.  I explain how that's not what I really feel comfortable doing...she tells me to do it anyway.

With trust comes obedience; I knew in my heart of hearts that LeAnn would not allow anything to harm me.  I also knew that she must have a plan.

Definition of Obedience;  compliance with an order, request, or law or submission to another's authority.

Definition of Persistence; firm or obstinate continuance in a course of action in spite of difficulty or opposition.

Definition of Stubbornness; unreasonably obstinate, fixed or set in purpose or opinion; resolute, obstinately maintained, as a course of action 

In my life thus far, I must say that I have had much more experience with the last two terms then the first.  In fact, stubbornness was passed down as a 'good' quality (at least one that is discussed in a light-hearted...Man, is she stubborn...way, ~giggles`).  As I have grown older, I am finding that a bit more obedience would have served me better.

I'm in the stall now (this is the stall where dead animals have been...there is absolute darkness, except when the lightning bolts hit, and all I hear is Nitro snorting).  LeAnn tells me to touch Nitro's forehead, right between his eyes.  She says, go on....step toward him....and when I obey, Nitro turns away...she says loudly (Eli barks...thanks a lot) STOP!  I freeze, then Nitro turns back to look at me, LeAnn says GO..., repeat above activity over and over...this is a never-ending process.  Finally, LeAnn has had enough; she gets in the stall.  

(This is Eli)

Funny observation;  when LeAnn shows up -- it's the same reaction my students have when there is the 'real teacher' vs. 'the substitute teacher'.  LeAnn is the 'real teacher'.  Nitro immediately perks up, and gives LeAnn undivided attention.

The lesson is that when Nitro doesn't give LeAnn his head, she does not pursue him (when he is demonstrating stubbornness or persistence in his undesired behavior).  He has to choose to give LeAnn his head, he has to demonstrate obedience.....hmmmm

So as I allow my weakness to show... (Ps.31;12)  "The weaknesses we often despise are required for the light of Christ to be seen and for the darkness around us to be dispelled.  Without the limitations and deficiencies of our vessels, we would not serve our purpose well." from Gideon bible study by Priscilla Shirer.

All my life I have thought that my physical strength and stubbornness for my children to 'be okay' was necessary.  As I age I am finding out that my salvation is a result of my weakness and obedience (sometimes blind obedience--the kind of obedience very few people in my life understand; especially those who have known me my entire life).  In the study of Gideon I am learning that his primary mission was to dismantle the nation's misplaced loyalty to their idol.  Baalism was based on a belief system that said miracles were impossible;  and as a boy, Gideon was taught that God may have created everything, but the world was kept functioning by the simple, impersonal processes of nature (Cindy, acting in her own strength and effort).  The universe, a Baalist would subscribe, was self-sustaining, with no eternal Being actively involved in supporting and maintaining it.  So when he asked God for the fleece to stay dry while lying on a patch of dew-infused ground, this refuted the processes of logic and one of the most critical elements of Baalism. (From Gideon bible study by Priscilla Shirer).

I have to admit to you that there has been some Baalism beliefs in my past.

Back to the horse lesson, LeAnn explained to me that 'you don't pet the dog when he's on your nice sofa if you don't want him on your nice sofa, right?'  So you don't give praise during disobedience or after it.  I had to really think about this concept and how it relates to my relationships.  I must say that my default has always been to 'give lip service' and then 'pet the dog when he's on my couch' ~ then complain about how badly my dog behaves ~ or ignore the behavior all together and create a picture in my mind that is more pleasing....not what is real.

In the book Devotions for A Sacred Marriage, Gary Thomas talks about "one bad habit" and how "we fail to see that one hole can sink a ship as effectively as can ten holes; it may take a little longer, but the ship will still sink."  So my question to you is are you being Obedient, Persistent or Stubborn?  Are you creating a picture in your head of your life that 'looks' great, and in reality it isn't.  Have you allowed Satan to disguise himself in your efforts to 'save' your family and in the process you have given yourself up to go down with the ship?  

Are you a Baalistic? 

Sometimes, as Ann Voskamp says;

"Taking the path of most resistance often leads to the most reward. 

and 

If you track a man's time you hunt down what he worships."

Herd Bound

Are You Herd Bound?

LESSON 8--Herd Bound

As described on the ASPCA.com website "Horses are a social species.  When allowed to live as they would in the wild, they group themselves with other horses -- they form herds.  Like other prey animals, being part of a herd makes them feel safe.  It improves their chances of survival."

Do not be misled: “Bad company corrupts good character.” (1 Corinthians 15:33 NIV)

So, I'm in California, and while walking to a restaurant I was sharing what a difference it is here compared to Missouri.  When asked, How?...I started to say "It's more aggressive here..." but was interrupted with a loud backfire sound that came from a group of motorcycles.  I jumped and screamed to turn around and see Steven Tyler (Aerosmith, American Idol) getting on his bike with everyone swarming around him.  When I googled him, it was already posted on Mail online how he was wearing comical goggles as he hopped on his bike in front of Gjelina restaurant in Venice on Saturday--I was there....I was not impressed.....

Why did I share this?  Maybe it will become more clear when I tell you about my horse lesson and Nitro's herd bound issues (after all, this is about a horse--right?).  Well, it all started with me being in the arena with Nitro trying to lunge him and my husband was in the shop near by, with all the other horses in the barn lot watching us.  Here is a picture of our arena;

LeAnn noticed Nitro was not paying attention to me.  One ear was on the herd and the other was on my husband.  This was an issue, obviously I'm not 'anybody' to Nitro.  

It is this way with my relationship with God.  Am I herd bound?  Do I consider what others think?  Am I influenced by social media and advertisements? I wonder as women, how many of us are influenced by these things.  I think we are more then we know...marketing is doing its job.

Check out Genesis 11:1-9 The Tower of Babel 

All the people were speaking in one language and they decided to make bricks and build a tower to heaven TO MAKE A NAME FOR THEMSELF.  I was struck by this footnote "We may build monuments to ourselves (job, house, car) to call attention to our achievements, and these may not be wrong in themselves, but when we use them to GIVE US IDENTITY AND SELF-WORTH, they take Gods place in our lives."  I am guilty of this, I have allowed many people and things to bring me a sense of self-worth; thus identity.  If you are honest, you may have to say you have too.  Even in the obsessive behavior with my children and my involvement in their life journey.  Their Life Journey.  Somehow, over the years, I have heaped enough guilt on myself, that I kind of 'step into their space' when things are either going bad or good.  I 'feel their pain' and I 'feel responsible'.  Now, professionals have diagnosed this as many things; co-dependency, or immeshed.  All I know is I lose 'Me'.

Here's a diagram; (or imagine one, I'm not able to create one today using my iPad)

Cindy's life of teaching, children, marriage ~ they are doing well = Babel wall built TALL & self worth,          identity increases

Cindy's life of teaching, children, marriage ~ they are not doing well = decrease of self worth, and identity

I am now seeing how not being able to separate myself and know in my heart of hearts my safe place is not in my identity I have created through life experiences, it is in Him.  My safety is in Him.  I need not be herd bound.

What about you?

Convinced

Are you convinced?

How do we become convinced?

How important is it to be convinced?

LESSON 7:  Light Hold

Nitro...he's convinced winter needs to be over...

In this lesson, I was learning to lunge Nitro.  This is where you take a 'lunge rope' which is very long, and you attach it to the horse's halter and teach them to go in a circle around you.  You signal them to stop, change direction, speed up, or slow down.  We were in the arena, and I was learning how important my body position is and how 'light my hold' was on the lunge rope to guide Nitro.  As I became more fearful (usually when Nitro would speed up or just take off) I would hold tightly to the rope...like I could hold a 1000 pound animal with this rope... But that was what I was doing.  It's funny now to look back at what I must have looked like....

Moving on...so, the lesson was to learn to keep a 'light hold' on the rope, hence Nitro, and direct his movements.

Hmmm, a light hold....remind you of anyone?

I am reminded of my February 27 reading in Jesus Calling from Psalm 73:23; I Corinthians 10:13 that reads "As your circumstances consume more and more of your attention, you are losing sight of Me."

I would rely more and more on 'me', my strength....and guess what....I'm not as strong as I used to be.

So, the harder I pull against the lunge or lead rope, the harder Nitro pulls against me.

Life lesson...application...ding ding...

That has been my life---when conflict or resistance---more Cindy needed.  

Here is the 'Cindy Life Diagram'

Thing, Person   +    Compare to Me  +   Change Cindy  = Happiness
or
Event

God is redeeming me from the 'Change Cindy' part of this formula.

Lesson is to relax my hand, relax my arm and allow Nitro to be guided into the lunge, not forced (I can't muscle a 1000 pound horse)...(I can't muscle my life, I can't change every aspect of my life, I am not in charge...)

I am reminded of Eve when the serpent came to her and CONVINCED her that God didn't really say "You must not eat from any tree in the garden?" (Genesis 3:1).  As Francis of Assisi advised "As a result, the gate of virtue being abandoned and the door of wickedness being open, he gave the devil a way to come in."  Eve was CONVINCED that she could become more like God by defying God's authority, by taking God's place and deciding for herself what was best for her life.  "Self-exaltation leads to rebellion against God" footnote in Life Application Study Bible.  Here, Satan tried to make Eve think that sin is good, pleasant, and desirable.  People usually choose wrong things because they have become CONVINCED that those things are good, at least for themselves.

My question to you is...what are you CONVINCED about?  How are your life choices working for you?  Human beings were created to be able to think about what they are thinking about...think about it...animals are purely stimulus/response....this is where transformation happens.

I am CONVINCED He is able...are you?