Me with our ponies ... not sure how old I am
My son was three when his father and I divorced. I remarried, as did his father and after my second failed marriage I was single for five years ~ my son was eight to twelve years old during this time.
A bit of background information is needed to give you a picture of where I was in my life at this time. I was all about the liberal agenda and 'I am woman, hear me roar' kind of thinking, and my son was in an environment where myself and his sister were his main-stays on most days.
I do not share this for any 'pity factor' AT ALL, I share this to uncover what mom's need who are possibly seeking help with their sons as they leave childhood to become a man.
As a single mom who had been described as 'strong', I can now say I was covering up some hurt in my past in this being strong persona. The 'absent father syndrome' and the 'God Hole' made up my motivating mind-set in trying to fix those two elements in my life (of which I had NO idea).
So, in visiting with a '30-something' friend and listening to her describe her seven-year-old son and her husband's role in his life, I came to the realization that there may be a simple sharing that might help more moms.
You see, because some of us had that absent dad, we most likely use that as a driving force in our lives and thus producing a mighty successful woman ~ because we have something to prove you see.
We are worthy, we are capable and we did ON OUR OWN and as the song goes WE DID IT MY WAY.
What I now know this is a set up for disaster if you take it too far. Because a man has to pass on to his son how to be a man. I couldn't do that for my son. If I try to protect him from those times when he might get hurt wrestling with a man or I baby him too much; he will have more of a feminine demeanor.
Believe me!!
By being the way we are 'I am woman hear me roar', we take away that masculine place in the home. We have to be mindful of this if we are married, because if we are over the top in our feminine'ness' it splashes over our husbands' maleness. As the head of the household, your son needs to see that, instead of your womanly power that may over-ride your husband.
It's a hard thing to balance -- I'm not saying women who are bright, successful, persistent and talented are developing a terrible thing, what I am saying is as a result of doing that, you are setting up your son for many of areas of concern. As they grow up they have not had that maleness modeled for them.
I remarried when my son was 13 and there were so many gaps for him in developing his maleness. I married a 'manly man' that is the head of our household -- no doubting that. To this day my son has shared many times, that if it weren't for this marriage "I would have been very feminine".
~~~
The idea of giving and giving and giving and how in my head that's too much to ask ... you know, when you get to the end of yourself and all you've done is give ... well, a new way to think about that has appeared in this 54 year old brain. Even if I am around what would be considered takers, the idea of becoming a giver; means I am becoming more and more like Christ.
So it shouldn't be like a burden, how I was perceiving it before; gotta do this for them, gotta do that for them; when will I get back 'kind of thing' ... It should be a pleasure, and honor for me to be the giver.
God, help us remain in your design ... your beautiful design of husband and wife, father and son ... to create the family unit that is the foundation to your creation ... and God, help me become a giver like you. Amen
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