Today I went out to move Nitro to another field. My husband was with me, and all the horses but one (Willow) were in the arena. As my husband took one horse at a time from the arena to the large field, the horses became excited. They pranced around, snorted, kicked and when it became time for another horse to 'step up' they just ran. I really wanted Nitro to get to go to the large field, so I encouraged him to 'step up' -- this is the statement my husband has always used with his horses....they know what it means. Since it was becoming uncontrollable, he said--go in and get your horse. I entered the arena and only had a lead rope in my hand, but I felt confident in my relationship with Nitro.
LeAnn taught me to encourage all the other horses to run past me, but to maneuver my body where Nitro did not get by me. She taught me to do what ever it took to stand my ground. Usually, I have my long whip, lead rope and halter when I catch Nitro.
Attempt one....Nitro is looking at me, then snorts; looks at the herd, then runs past me with the herd. I go to the other end of the arena with them, pushing Nitro to the corner; allowing others to continue by me. Nitro sees me move with his every move, holding my position and he turns; ears forward to me and stops. I immediately stop my feet from moving, and stand still. LeAnn taught me to do as I am asking him to do. Then as he is snorting to smell danger I talk softly and sweetly to him (like ole' times). "Good boy Nitro, *cluck cluck*, that's a good boy Nitro"....thinking chocolate and strawberries. He stands still. I take a couple of steps back and he moves with me. That's the signal to step to him as long as he is still. I stepped to him talking the entire time. The minute he looks away or moves away, I stop and do whatever it takes to get his attention, then step back. It's a dance of sorts. Pressure, release.... Finally, after two attempts, I approach, put the lead rope around his neck and off we go.
What I have learned about this concept is that as a mom, when our children are young, we pretty much control the environment and we are 'heard'. As our children grow, I notice that we have a choice as women, as mothers of these growing people who do not hear us anymore. We can either raise the stakes and become 'bigger' in our home where we repeat, get loud, or change our behavior. We can identify what we do have control over and use those things to 'pay back' those who do not listen...for example, the car, the meals, allowance, the way we do the laundry...you get the picture. My challenge to you is to inspect the intent of your heart ... I didn't do such a great job here as a busy mom ...I puffed myself up. What I now know, is as we become bigger, a humble heart is no where the be found. Pride shows up and there's no finding God when we are puffed up and prideful. So, we go into this darkness of arguing and struggling for control. Our home may become loud, our husband probably 'runs for cover' and our spiritual walk is a big fat zero.
The concept of humility with women when we are trying to be helpful and be heard as our children get older has a huge affect on us in terms of how we communicate. We my choose -- flexing our muscle, wherever that is in our home and in our children's life, where we have that sense of control. That's the struggle to regain that control, look at that honestly in terms of the intent of your heart -- it is about seeking worthiness ... we are shouting "I count, I'm of value here".
I listen to James McDonald in the mornings on Bott Radio and he said that we can't be in God's presence any other way then in a humble place.
Being in that humble place is being in Christ not in yourself.
I am wondering how much of our day and our behavior (because we are 'behavior' creatures) and behavior creates habit, we are humble. If over the progression of life, as we raise our children from baby to toddler, to teen, we get comfortable in that position of control. That's where we go when we are managing our home and that element of humility gets 'unpracticed'. Then we become more and more puffed up in our daily walk. Then the season of life when our kids leave really messes us up.
Another early morning Bott Radio program I listen to is J Vernon McGee. He talked about the concept of the hardening of a heart and how God does not cause this. He was teaching from Isaiah and the light shining into the darkness. His illustration was how when he went into his barn as a young man with a light at night, the rats would run away from the light and the birds would remain and sing. He went on to tell about some miners who became trapped in a mine after an explosion and when they were saved, one man asked when they were going to turn on the lights. This revealed his loss of sight due to the explosion.
My point with this writing is "Am I doing what I'm asking others to do?" or am I 'behaving' merely to gain control and get back that feeling of worthiness.
Who am I when the light is shined on me? And am I holding my position, to draw them in closer; or am I 'behaving' .... driving my home into chaos and my family away from me?
Nitro is in the field now... can you see him?
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