Saying Good-bye to a Way of Life (perhaps a mid-life crisis)

Today I am home, not with a group of students (over 1000) conducting business and marketing role plays, tests and greeting judges.  I know this sounds silly to many of you, but I am sad.

I am not sad because I question my leaving that part of my life,
I am not sad because I am in a place that is awful in my life (actually am in a very content place in my life now),
I am not sad because I think I am such a big part of what is happening at this conference that they can't do it without me,
I am not sad because I doubt God has me where I am supposed to be.

So why am I sad?  Why does my heart hurt?

I wonder if this is what people think of when they ask "Are you in a mid-life crisis?"

I think that closing a door and learning to live differently is difficult especially with the intensity, speed and significance of where I was in my career compared to where I am now.

Things are much much slower now.  When I leave my home and interact with people in these new environments it is one relationship/conversation at a time.  In my teaching profession, the conversation I would have with a student would last a few, concise minutes as there was inevitably someone waiting to either talk to me next or with their hand up at their desk 'needing me'.  So my brain and behavior has been trained to move in and out of situations quickly ... and to be needed.

While I would be talking to someone, I would be multitasking -- thinking ahead, scanning the room for possible 'issues' I could disrupt before they grew and became out-of-hand ...  always on alert to body movements, who was walking behind me, what was going on in my environment ... I think it's something you learn in public school teaching.  This learned behavior has made its appearance in my present-day life and sometimes I literally can't sit still and listen ... keeping good eye contact and all I know I should be doing ... ugh!

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I am adjusting and am very blessed.  REALLY!!

All of this takes me to Joshua 14:10-12 "Here I am today, eighty-five years old! I am still as strong today as the day Moses sent me out; I'm just as vigorous to o out to battle now as I was then.  Now give me this hill country that the LORD promised me that day. You yourself heard then that the Anakites were there and their cities were large and fortified, but, the LORD helping me, I will drive them out just as he said."

Caleb was an 'old' man and he was ready to take on 'another mountain'.  He was actually asking God for a mountain.  In the devotional 'The Word for You Today', by Yorktown Assembly of God 

"Anybody can occupy the flat ground, but it takes faith in God to tackle a mountain."

So am I ready to take on a mountain?  The Word for You Today describes 'your mountain' as the place where there is an intersection of your greatest strengths and your greatest passions.  I was blessed to have had a career like I had, which was at that intersection.  Do I trust God in guiding my future to the next intersection?  Or am I going to choose to sulk and remain 'stuck' in my sadness?

"It's in working to solve problems and overcome challenges that you become the person God wants you to be."

This is how to get beyond yourself and your mid-life crisis.

"Challenges undertaken for the greater good bind us to people, whereas the pursuit of comfort leads to isolation.  And isolation is terminal." 

Now to prepare my heart for the 'uncomfortable' and possibly an adventure, a bit of danger, definitely some risk and reward.
A new mountain.

I give you thanks and praise for the previous mountain Lord; now bring on the next one Lord.